Tuesday, March 7, 2017

She's gone again...

I'm just going to jump right in to this one. It's been a long time, yah, yah but here's my question; where in the hell did that girl I used to be go? She was loud and full of laughter...Endless in the ideas of possibility, now she's just this survivor. Now, don't get me wrong surviving is a good thing and I am grateful I have that ability but when did living become this?

I work I breathe I go home I'm busted up from my day. I giggle with my pidglets I attempt to sleep and I repeat, sometimes without even rinsing! When the heck did I turn into this machine? Several years ago I suspect.

My life is hard but please hear me when I shout from my soap box it is a good life. I'm just not living it. I feel a lil empty, a lil homeless. I still don't know what I'm going to do when I grow up. Does anyone? 

I have a good job but it's one I know my body can't hold on to forever. I love to create but I'm weary and restless when I come home. I have a doctor who gets mad at me for ditching appointments. What is that? I know she's on to me, she realizes as I get worse I avoid going in but can she not just support the denial for once? Pshh...thinking she's all smart and such. Well, yah, it worked I have no choice but to go in at the end of the month because she's cutting off my scripts again.  It's defeating to say the least that within a week and a half off my Fibro meds I lose mobility. Jerk.

Okay so the complaining is done...that's probably a lie, I do that as we know. But where is the solve?  I'm a solver you know.  Women tend to get all "Oh Sweets, you have a headache, let me give you soup and blankies and kisses on the forehead and flowers freshly picked from The Walmarts..." Here's me, toss a few Excedrine in their direction and move on to the next problem.

I know, the fact that I'm single will forever remain a mystery...hehe

I want to create.  I mean I know I'm good at it, I created 6 amazing pidglets in a matter of 11 years and that is really saying something. However, I'm retired from creating lil people so what's on the agenda for the rest of forever?

I have always struggled with balance, and if I'm being totally honest; focus. Unbelievable right? wink  I can do lots of nifty lil things with my hands and often my brain creates so splendidly what my hands cannot. But how do I decide what to make, to sell, to give of my mind, body, and lil black heart that will replace the therapy I cannot afford?  

Wait, what were we talking about?

Okay, so I've rambled and clicked upon my trusty keyboard, complained and laid it out on the forbidden table of remorse...yes, that's a real thing. Now, lets just look at pics of my beautiful family because even when they tire of my existence I still think they're pretty.

Solve, Pidg, solve.  That's the motto for the week.  Loves and kisses, flowers and hugs...and all that jazz.  Have a fabulous rest of the week.


1 comment:

  1. So glad to see you here and an update on the pidglets ;-) I feel like I've gone backwards in life. I was so peppy when I turned 40, with the wonderful outlook on the next 10 years. Now at 46 I think, where did she go? I'm good but I know I can be better than I am.


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