Tuesday, June 17, 2014

A small spill...

I'm sitting here (it's late) with yarn covering my lap,my legs resting on the bed, music in and "Arms Wide Open" by Boyce Avenue playing.  I swear they can sing any cover and it's great.  The point of this descriptive lil paragraph is that after having one of the most horrible and desperate thoughts that equates to a "truth" my mouth turned into a grin as I listened to this song.

I've always been an optimist, but that's just the chocolate coating on the realist inside.  Not so much of a treat, more like a chocolate coated rock huh?

Point again.  Even with all of the hits I've taken over my life... over the last few years; physically, mentally, emotionally.  My gosh I'm a pretty strong "Mother Trucker" as a few of my unnamed older children say. Wildly inappropriate, I realize this; but after all, they are my children.  Were you expecting classy?

Every so often there are those moments of clarity when the fog dissipates just enough for me to see the strength that is still buried deep beneath my surface.  Those inklings of encouragement, the memories of making it through the labyrinths of pain and situations that don't kill you but make you stronger and then you wonder why you had to be so damn strong when killing you would have been a lot easier and then to drown your woes you become addicted to things like run-on sentences and monochromatic yarn.  Wait.  What?

Please don't think I believe I do this on my own.  I am blessed and watched over and ridiculously undeserving.  I've always told my pidglets when they see justice fail and the turds of the world prevail.. "Hey, I'd still rather be me than them."

Now for those of you who know me personally you might be snickering at the thought of actually wanting to be me.  But I'm good, even though the skin is often too tight.

Things aren't bad, the weather is often decided by one's perception.  My personal opinion is the nimbus clouds that carry heavy rain mean change is coming and it might be time to adjust the sails of hope.  There's always hope.  Always.  Hope for better, for not settling, for replanting, regrowth.

I felt the need to spill a few things out on "paper"... but as usual, the cork never fully comes off the bottle. Before I go, just know, I now have white yarn...and possibly 3 other colors that were on sale.  It was a very good sale.  Oh, and my babies are coming home early; as in tomorrow.  Ha!  Mind over matter... who's the Force with now huh? 

It's never good to encourage crazy.  'nuff said.

Here's to hope... and strength... and Excedrin... yah.  I'll go to bed.

Over and out,


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