Saturday, May 10, 2014

Poor Mama...

Wednesday I spoke of being easily distracted, which is totally not like me at all.... (

Okay, so we know I'm easily distracted, but today as I was doing my rounds of things that need to be done but not the original task I set out to do, a memory surfaced.

Maybe it was because I finally participated in "Throw back Thursday" on instagram, but as I rifled through supplies for a wedding project (no, I'm not getting married.... again... hehe) for the shop, I found things.

Have you ever given your younger child a task to clean an area and look over and they are wearing or playing with everything they've found that they were assigned to pick up, put away and place in it's home?

Yah, I'm that kid.  I found fabric headbands that I had attempted but had never listed in the shop so of course I put a few on.  Then a fabric wristlet with small handmade flowers on it; didn't make it to the shop but it fit me just fine.  Oh hey look, these floral hair clips look great with my messy up-do.  Oh, and tiny crochet flower rings... four fit nicely.

I would just like to say, in honor of Throw-back-Thursday and Mother's Day fast approaching, Mama, I am so sorry.  You patient, tolerant, enduring woman. It seems that memory I spoke about in the beginning of this post, yah... it still lives; alive and well.  It's 39 years-old as a matter of fact.  

Busy and I were having a conversation the other day where she expressed the embarrassment she feels at times because she talks too much.  Po looked over and grinned as Busy asked, "What?"
I had just had the same discussion with him the day prior about myself.

I then thought about the endless nights I would keep Mama and Daddy up.  I would step into their bedroom to say goodnight.  Somehow, I found myself teleported into the chair beside their bed and next thing you know an hour (or 3) had passed.  Mama's eyes were heavy and Daddy would occasionally look up from his book; I'm not certain either of them said a single word.  I evidently didn't need to breathe while talking.  Oh, those nights of not enough sleep I caused them that I have now experience 6 fold.  Love it.

I don't care for people much and I certainly attempt to avoid groups of people but for some reason when I do escape, bless that poor individual who might end up standing within ear-shot.  It's like I can't stop. Poor Mama, it's usually her.

The other day I was having an absolutely miserable day.  I mean physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was a walking... okay fine, a sitting human turd.  Oh how I wanted to call Mama and just tell her...


However, I refrained.  I didn't want to do that.  Everything I'm going through can and will be handled.  Sure, my capacity is nil compared to the super-woman I once was but it will be alright-ish... eventually, hopefully, I think. How's that for faith?  Right.

So I didn't call.  I bit my lower lip and attempted to function.  I was strong and ... and... the phone rang. Yah, she walked right into that one.  I had actually assumed Daddy had called her for reinforcements because poor him, he called a few hours before and caught the brunt of the snot, and sobs.  Nope, she just knew.  I bet she wishes she could turn off that mother's intuition at times; or at the very least turn the channel to something more entertaining. 

Not too long ago Mama told me how she felt so bad.  She named several things in our lives as I was growing up and said it's no wonder you even survived it all.  You had a pretty messed up child-hood.  I began to laugh because to me, those who rear the child are what makes or breaks the childhood.  As things fell apart from time-to-time I had someone to go to.  So my childhood was bliss.

And possibly my favorite piece of advice, besides the famous, "Save your money" and "Life is hard" she added a more recent and profound something to think about, not but a year ago.

Me:  "Mama, I'm tired of failing..."
Mama:  "Andi-girl, there is nothing wrong with failing.  I do it all the time."

Oh, how she always makes me laugh.  No worries, she constantly lifts me up and of course never sees my folly as failure.  But she always knows how to snatch my spirit from the floor.

For all of the everything you have given and continue to give Mama; thank you.

Beautiful Mama, still and always will be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

In all of these years we still share each other's pain.  No, I'm serious literally.  If her hip acts up so does mine. If my back starts trouble, Mama's calling me to see why she hurts.  She even craved the same things I did when I was pregnant each and every time... even when we were across the country from each other.

She's the afternoon splash through the puddles, the wind playing with my hair on a brilliant, sunny day.  She's the gentle calm of reason in my head.  She's my hysterical partner in crime I have to confess every stupid thing I do - if only so we can laugh together.

Mender of broken wings and hearts - Protector of fragile mind and body - through ups and downs she holds her breath for me as I am sometimes taken by the strong current.  My funny bone... the one that actually makes me laugh.

My best friend - My Mama.



1 comment:

  1. Oh Andi ... what a precious treasure you are. Thank you so much for that beautiful, priceless tribute. I really needed that. When Mother's Day comes around, I start counting my "failures" and which I could have been better at being a mother. Then you come through with something like this to give me a glimmer of 'maybe I wasn't so bad after all.' Thank you. I love you so much Andi-girl!


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