Sunday, November 16, 2014

It simply is...

So it seems, as of late, I've been searching again.  Looking for answers, seeking out "why" and coming up empty.

I'm the sort of girl that wants an answer, needs understanding and likes the cause and effect of the end result. I'll even give you a box to put that answer or reason in.  If it doesn't fit...well, that's where I begin to derail.

Lately.  It just doesn't fit - doesn't add up - the how is without it's why and the answer is left without reason.

It just simply... is.

When the answers, reasons, whys and "are you freakin' kidding me's" are inside someone else's chamber of secrets you can bang on the door all you want.  They're just not going to answer that knock.

I've been one to settle, it doesn't sound like me, but I have; all too often.  I find I've done it again.  I love hard and I love strong.  I take care of "wounded birds" as Mama likes to call them.  I'm a caretaker and I adopt anyone that might be in need of help. I love and live for my family, I give because I want to; I need to.

Good traits?  I thought so.  But what happens when suddenly it's you sinking as you were bailing out the other's boat.

They like to talk about time for yourself.  They like to tell you "You're worth more..."

I would love to meet "they" and punch them in the throat and then maybe take a little time for myself because I'm worth more. wink.

There are too many people out there offering free advice of situations they have no idea how to handle. Not that anyone knows my situations but when they surface oh they'll be there.  Been there  before... THEY... will be there.

Then there are THOSE that know you...more than you realize.  They are those that I worry might be exactly right.  So, I sit, and wait, and pray.  Trying to find the answer that is right and the opportunity to make things better.

I'm on the search for smiles in my babies and mirroring their desire to climb higher and play harder. I'm on the hunt for laughing until my side hurts and my dimples head thrown back, hand on my chest, choke until I can't breathe kind of laugh.

It's a strange wind when the kids who have been raising you begin to understand, see and speak about things in your life, choices you've made and have answers to solve them - adult answers

It's silly really, when you try and spare your children from the aches of adulthood that they can spot a mile away.  My goodness I love those pidglets....

I am blessed... it just simply is (too)

Just thinking outloud... Happy Week!


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Blood sugar battles...

Sunday night Busy's blood sugar began to drop.  We treated it and it dropped again.  This went on for a few hours.  Of course the hours we were ready to go to bed, needless to say, it became a very late night for the two of us.  Monday morning she woke up low and continued the process.  Obviously her body is fighting off some sort of sickness when her blood sugar decides to do crazy things like this but it stresses me out to no end when she goes low.

So, I did go into work and had her stay home, texting her every half hour to an hour to make her check it and report back to me.  I almost went home early until I remembered I had a snickers bar hidden in my room.  I told her to eat half of that without insulin which is ludicrous when you're the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, but it got her blood sugar up enough to buy me some time to finish off what I was doing at work and leave right on time.  

When she fluctuates like that she feels pretty punky; headache, belly ache, sweats then cold, pale then flushed - the works.

After all of that worrying and calculating I walked out of the boys room where we had been watching a movie to find this:

I made her go outside to get a good picture of her look and she grabs her "wand" and yells,"Expecto Patronum!"  

She's better now.

Then Lil Man came home from school and when left to our own devices...

Ethan says he's Malfoy.... of course, because Malfoy always does that face.

Oh Harry Potter, you do wonderful things for the soul.

Stressful times, countermeasures, easily distracted and fantastically entertained by the slightest of things.

Life is good.

Happy week


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Probably not worth reading...

So, I'm tired.  Translation? Perfect time to blog. When all is off-centered and looked upon with a pessimistic view because why? Oh, I'm tired.


I have nothing to say.  At least that's consistent.  Somehow as I sit with pen upon paper or fingers to keys... whateves... I get this strange inkling that something will come into my brain.  Something profound, something worth sharing, something... yah, I got nothin.

I was flipping through pics of my beautiful pidlets then my beautiful pidglets made their daily after school appearance and I was suddenly like... "Holy cow, those are mine." I know, I refer to this often but still, it never ceases to amaze me.  Just so you know I completely (sadly) tried to type ceases with an "s" and amaze with an ie.  I think I'm feeling spunky... or tired.

On a good note, I did get two days off in a row.  Weird right?

I don't believe in gloating.

That might have been a lie.

So, what have I been up to? Work, crochet, clean house, cook food... wash, rinse, repeat. I love my life.  I do.  Especially the rinse part, or maybe the repeat.

Moi and I have decided to put our heads together and be rich.  We're pretty excited about the idea really.  I'll let you know what we land on.

Lil Red is thinking about dying her red locks brown.  While I think it will be absolutely gorgeous I really don't know what to call her once she makes the leap.  Lil Brown just sounds like a turd.  Maybe I'll just talk her out of it.

Just look at that child will you?  Is she not just phenomenally beautiful?  I mean, I would love to say she gets her looks from her mother but she did not.  Okay, back up.  She stole them.  I used to be one fantastically beautiful girl (true story) then I had children distributing my amazing good looks to my pidglets, evenly of course, and now... I am but an awkward shell of what once was beauty who is now a raisin in the merciless sun who is addicted to run-on sentences.  Huh?  Oh, yah, I'm done.  Actually I've always just been the tomboy next door who generally has wild hair and cilantro in her teeth.  My pidglets?  Some people just hit the genetic jack-pot.  snicker.

Lil Man had a bike accident at Mr. B's house to which his most perfect and precious face was marred. He's healed now and perfectly him and I am left to wonder at the amazing abilities of skin.  Strangely, I do ponder that often seeing as how I'm always, burning, cutting, bruising and breaking myself constantly and get giddy over how fast I can heal to start the process all over again.  Repeat...

My health is on the back burner as of late.  Ha. As if I ever moved it to the front. Some days are better than others but I fake it fantastically at work so I'm feeling pretty good about myself.  Working with the people I'm privileged to work with heals me or possibly justifies my odd behavior but either way I'm having fun.

Po took a new position, then didn't take it. Then did - then stayed where he's at.  And I thought I was indecisive. Poor guy, evidently I'm wearing off on his mental state.

Bailey's shop is taking off and it's just so cool what they've done with bleach, clothing and a lil yarn. Maybe one day when I grow up I can do something like that.  Oh wait, I'll be rich soon.  I forgot.

Red Bull in Our Coffee  Visit their shop... It's awesome!

In other news... there is a spider and it's prey on my porch.  Their size together equals my thumb; hence the capacity of spider has been met and most likely I will die by morning due to the spider dreams that will surely haunt me.  I'm not getting over this one.

Po's response was, "Where is the spray?"
"Umm... at Walmart Po."  He is, and has been for months, aware that we are out of "death" spray.

Incidentally, I drowned my fears and sorrows in one heck of a homemade breakfast burrito made by me that has now possibly saved my life.

Here's to hoping I dream about veggie stuffed breakfast burritos instead.

Lesson for the day:

The above mentioned is my "first world prob".  Trying to guide, one sarcastic comment at a time.  The woes.

Oddly enough I'm not tired anymore.  It's a good thing too, since there are others that might need my harassing and haranguing.  Have a wondermous rest of the week.  I think I might try it too. wink.

Over and out,


Thursday, August 28, 2014

Here's where we're at...

So here's where we're at. Actually, this is just going to be a random (as usual) post. I'm not really telling you where we're at, updating you on important events or telling you future plans. Really, I probably shouldn't be posting at all seeing as how I don't even know what I'm about to blog about.  Ha.

Well, here's one I think needs to be shared just for kicks.  Ethan decided to make an underground Hobbit Hole on Minecraft with Lil Man.  So Lil Man makes the entrance somewhat round considering everything in the game is made of squares and E and myself were a bit impressed.  Then time goes by and Ethan looks to his brother's side of the screen and the conversation is as follows:

Ethan: Logan, you can't make the hallway and rooms square it's a Hobbit hole.
Lil Man:  It doesn't matter no one will notice.
Ethan: YES! They will, it's a Hobbit hole.  Everyone knows they're supposed to be round!
(Now repeat almost the exact same words mentioned above in various order approximately 22.6 times then..)

Ethan:  Mama, please explain to him a Hobbit hole has to be round.
Me: (giggling) Lil Man, Dude, it has to be round or it's just a regular house.
Lil Man: (plainly and in a matter-of-fact tone) It's fine. No one will notice...
Me: (sigh) Dude, it's like building an underwater world and forgetting to put water in it.
Lil Man:  (cricket... cricket...)
Me:  Lil Man, it's like building a zoo and not putting animals in it but still saying, it's a zoo no one will notice.

Finally I get a smirk out of him and he turns around slowly.  "No one will care..."

Yes, Lil Man rules the world...And I felt the need to uncurl Ethan from the fetal position as he melted slowly to his brother's stubbornness.  Goodness I love kids, especially the evil ones.  

New story, so when I was younger I don't know if this is one of those strange family things or something my Mama learned growing up in the south, but I was raised calling flip-flops, thongs.  Yah, yah, get your giggles out.  I fell out of that habit long before the butt-floss came to be however, my Mama didn't.

Yes, I have warned her several times about that phrase but alas, she ignores the prompting.  So when Ethan and Busy were with Mama at a church tubing trip, my mother so graceful spouts out...
"Well, last year a lot of the (youth) girls lost their thongs on the rapids and I didn't want to lose mine so I decided to wear these "teeny-boppers"..."

My children, yes at that very moment showing signs of stroke, recovered a bit translating the thongs to flip-flops but yet not really understanding how teeny-boppers came to be, finally began breathing again.

However; they returned home and relayed their horrifying story to their mother, Pidg; the evil one.

Since, our conversations of late have resembled the following:

"Ethan, now that you're bigger it's nice we can share thongs."
I go into the bathroom, "Hey Mama, you forgot your thongs!"
"Has anyone seen my thongs? I need to go out and check the mail."
"I think it's neat that when you and Po were married all of the girls had matching thongs."
"Boys don't wear pink thongs, everyone knows they look better in black..."
"I've gotta sit down my thongs are killing me."
"Did you leave your thongs outside?"
"Mom! The dogs ate my thongs."
"Po left his thongs on the floor again!"

and so on....

It's become our favorite word/phrase to throw into a sentence; any sentence; second only to explosive diarrhea. Always a family favorite.

School started.  Can I get an AMEN?! A lot of parents get sentimental... I just get giddy.  snicker.  Moi has been so wonderful getting her lil bros on the bus before she goes to work since I go in at 5am.  The first day of school Lil Man looks back at Moi as the bus arrives, "There's no law against farting on the bus right?"


Oh and of course we're all about pics... please enjoy the following at your leisure.

I'm sure you're impressed with our usual amazing quality photos.  And don't you love they're out there at the butt-crack of dawn waiting for the bus.

It's almost sad to see how depressed they all are about starting school.  My pidglets are very sensitive by nature.

Please note the broad daylight.  First day of school, at least the bus did come eventually.

So, I guess that's where we're at.  Back to school, back to work, back to routine, back to trashing my house like a feral cat searching for tuna in a dumpster.  Life is good. Life... is as it should be.

Over and out,


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

More of nothing...

So today will be my 8th day straight of working.  Am I dedicated or what?  Ha!  I'm still loving it, but I'm also numb and think I may have gotten a little shorter.  It happens. The point of the above mentioned is that that yard is glaring at me questioning why I have abandoned it. There is a certain male figure in my home that has had 3 days off to my none but evidently the yard doesn't speak to him, only to me.

Thursday I'm off so I have a date with a hot landscaper - as in me and the hot part equals sweaty girl with a bandanna on her nappy curly locks.  Hot... right...

I have to take a moment and tell you I completely forgot why I started this post. I do however know it had nothing to do with what I've typed out so far.

So, I'll just keep going with the fireworks that pop into my mind. Most people call them thoughts, I however have so many my brain lights up like the 4th of July and almost blinds me. Mental note: I might have found the cause of my eye twitch.

So my oldest baby girl, Bailey, and her friend, Char, are going to open an Etsy shop with these amazing shirts they make. I'm beyond excited. The shirts look ridiculously professional and I can't wait to be one of their first customers. Here's a preview of their work.

The top is the dementor/patronus one from Harry Potter and the bottom is the Thorin and Company dawn to dusk... I'm going to have a closet full of this stuff! I'm so glad at least one of my pidglets is moving in the crafty direction.  See I had at least one good gene to pass along, oh and the nerd gene of course.

I on the other hand still have small piles of crochet bunting that I still haven't listed in the Cottage. Strangely and as usual, since I've gone back to work my shops have picked up but I better start adding to them before I have zero selection. Procrastination gene is dominate in my body.

Wish me luck on the yard tomorrow, there will be whining and gnashing of teeth. Perfect. It's always good to have a positive attitude.

Okay, I'm off to work... Have a wondermous day.


Monday, July 14, 2014

Checking in...

So I went back to work.  You probably realized this considering I mentioned it earlier and I seemingly have fallen off the map.  again.

But wait, shes back.  I've just had to 'attempt' to adjust to being (running) on my feet all  day again.  Truth be told I no longer have feet.  They've abandoned me for these numb blocks of pain that I now stand on. Feeling my age much?

However, I'm having a blast.  Being back at work in my old department is like a freakin' family reunion.  I'm so glad to be back with the crazy people I love and those same crazies actually love me back.  We work hard, but laugh and joke and make fun of each other and sweat... oh wait, that's just me.  They don't even glisten... pshh.  What's wrong with me and the sweat thing?  Okay moving forward, but the best part is I'm back with people who know how to translate me.  It's so nice when I start sputtering, stuttering, saying things backwards and sometimes just blankly staring they know exactly what I mean. Kind of like the people who read my blog.

Physically, it's a little rough when I get home.  Hot date every night with the heating pad is a must and let me tell you, there is real love found in a bottle of Motrin.  But hey, I was still sick when I was home and not working and had way too much time to think about it.  Mentally, I think it's the best thing for me. Dependence has never been a strong suit for me as you know and now I feel like I'm a little more in control of me.  I said "a little", let's not go over board.

Meanwhile, I normally work my usual 5am-2pm so I'm still home to hang out with the pidglets and when school starts again I will be home when they run off the bus so it's all flowers and sunshine right about now.

That may have been a slight exaggeration.  The pidglets miss me cleaning up after them and making them food and then repeating that process about 76.4 times per day.  Ahh, what is life.

Okay, well I just wanted to drop in and say I'm not dead yet.  Here's to Ibuprofen and lots of caffeine. Happy week.  I just might be back again soon... or not.

Over and out,


Tuesday, July 1, 2014

To the Briar Patch with you...

The pidglets are with their dad this week.  He's had some business trips here and there and I've been graced with their beautimous presence for about 3 weeks.  No complaints here...

Now, with them gone it leaves a little time for cleaning and crocheting and just enough quiet to make me miss the loud laughs, screaming for food and hollering for an appreciative witness to some Minecraft creation.

The pidglets got picked up at 12:45 Sunday and were whisked away.  However, strangely, by 1:15 I received a text and it seems Lil Red was being a very bad girl.

Now, without going into the details and please remember there are two sides to this.  One I lived with for 12 years, the other I've lived with for 17... weird right?  And often collision is due to the two that are in the same vicinity.  So, it seemed the only option was to send said red-head back to her mother's house.  What?!  Give her back to me?  What did I do?

Ha!  It doesn't matter what they have done, it really doesn't, I will always take them back.  Keeping her separate at times might be the best so she can get more rest, do what she wants to do and clear her mind of all that is boggling her.  

So I spoke with her dad, told him I agreed and giggled when I got off the phone.  Here was my exact profound thought:  "Holy crud, he's throwing her in the briar patch."  

For those of you who aren't 100 years old like me, here's the reference from the folktale I grew up on. 

When she came in she was crying so I told her she needed to repent and we prayed... ever so hard, until the sun shone upon our faces.  Huh?  Yah, that's photo shopped sun, whateves...

Then I made her read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" for good measure...

Please note, my book is a picture book.  It's easier for me to understand that way. 

Then.... I made her scrub the baseboards with bleach and a toothbrush just so she would remember why no one wants to be sent back to mom's house.

Okay fine, I scrubbed the baseboards with bleach and a toothbrush, but I've got a whole 'nother set of issues that can only be solved by cleaning and mowing grass... and crocheting.  But she's so precious just to look at and pretend, if only for a moment, she does chores.

sigh.  This is what really happened.

When she came in she was crying.  She burst out, "I don't want to talk about it!" and ran to her room.  I popped my head in her door and said, "I don't want to talk about anything but when you're ready to each junk food and just hang out, I'll be in the craft room."

It wasn't very long until she joined me and we talked... about nothing.... and everything. It is what it is and certain things like, being a teenager for example, just can't be solved right now. Hormones, stress, school, moms and dads, finding the perfect set of flats, boys who don't like you and boys who do, friends that are and friends that aren't, eventually works itself out.

And I just happen to have all of the time in the world.

Until she grows up and leaves me.  sniff. Let's not ruin the moment.

Love this kid and holy crap is she full of amazing potential.  I see it every day in my pidglets.  One day, when they're done raising their mother, we'll look back on these times and giggle over junk food, because some things will never change.


Monday, June 30, 2014

Have you noticed?

Have you noticed that negative people always tell you (the positive people) that you are the one being negative?  As you point out the good, the simple blessings and the light they vomit words contrary to your actual actions and place their gloomy outlook upon you.

Oh crap, that was a close one, I just tripped over the sunshine I was scattering.  Whew.

Have you noticed that the more sincerely happy you become the more discontentment it creates in someone that is holding on to their pessimistic outlook?  I think it's sad.

It's a choice.  I'll be the first to admit not every day am I capable of concealing my woes and that some days my pansy-self does choose the unfavorable to the icing on the cake but... I'm talking for the most part. Your personality, the attitude you normally wear.

Hey, that's not rain at all... that's glitter falling from the sky.  Beautiful.

Have you noticed that when you sit quietly in the presence of young people just the noise, humming, conversation (to others and themselves) witty comments or songs they make up are just generally enough to send you into a grinning state of mind?  That has a lot to do with my "normally" favorable disposition.  I listen. 

Oh, please,this is not about me being all happy and wonderful and skipping down that yellow brick road. I am, after all, a woman and with that come certain character traits and gifts. One of those gifts bestowed upon all women is the power of manipulation. Now, I have always used my powers for good and not evil however; kill them with kindness is something I have delved into.  A bit.

I manipulate a situation purely to find a better end ... I'm a chameleon, with only changing colors, never an original skin.  

The more I see you are attempting to rattle my cage the smoother I generally become. It's a battle of wills and please know that if you challenge me with wits, words or even physically you need be ready for the stubbornness of dwarfs.  Wait. What?!

What I'm saying is I end things regardless if I haven't started them. Just sometimes. wink.

Strangely though in this battle to "kill" weeds with daisies and sunshine I have found that I believe the "happy" I'm using as a weapon.  The more dark skies and falling rocks I tend to push farther into my imagination and find art or peace or beauty in the changing scenery.

It seems, I've killed myself with kindness, and it just happened to stick.

Today I'm grateful for the above lesson learned from my mama.  I'm thankful for the ability to climb crumbling mountains and light fires in the dark.  I'm blessed to have forested saplings from this splintered, trunk of a tree that I believed would never shelter love.

I even appreciate those negative beings that allow me to be thankful I'm me instead of them.  It's so much easier really, to find laughter when the monsters are closing in. After all, they're not real, but there are those that actually believe in me.

True story.

Over and out beyond Candy Cane Forest... hehe


Friday, June 27, 2014

The girls are gone...

Today is Friday Funnies.  I have my nifty lil notebook with their antics written down for the week but I'll be honest, I don't feel like it.  I didn't feel like it at 1:37am when I thought about writing the post and then mid-day I didn't feel like it and now ... not at all.

Moi as you know flew out on Tuesday to see Bailey.  My girls... beautiful girls... I miss them terribly - and the son-in-law I've only gotten to meet once.

Busy and Lil Red left yesterday for youth conference in Tennessee.  They come back tomorrow, it's just a few days.  Do you know what I did when they left?  I screamed through the house with the boys laughing and giggling... "THE GIRLS ARE GONE!  THE GIRLS ARE GONE!  BOYS ROCK, NO FIGHTING WOOO HOOO!"

Yay... yee haw...woo... hmph.  The girls are gone.

The girls left yesterday at 11:45 by approximately 2:27pm  I looked at the clock and sighed.  No one was sitting in my craft room to the left of me or on the other side of my desk or yelling from the hallway that one had stolen the other's clothes or shampoo or leftover potatoes and cheese.  

No one was fighting or slamming doors or asking to borrow my straightener or shirts.  No dishes left in various parts of the house and not a thing in the sink or on the table and no one was working on the unfinished puzzle sitting on the kitchen table.

No one to take ridiculous selfies with, not a single girl to gossip, giggle and grin with.  No new music from Lil Red, that I HAVE to listen to at this very instance.  No yelling at Busy for her to check her blood sugar and no Busy asking to do my nails in fluorescent summer colors and no Moi to ask me to braid her hair or trade sarcastic remarks with to tick one of the others off just for kicks.

Don't get me wrong, I'm having a blast with my boys, but even my Lil Men agree, it's too quiet without them. Ethan and I snuck out to Walmart last night and grabbed some junk food and then I made him hold my yarn so people would think it was his.  (That's what I told him anyways.) He kept tossing it in the air as I continued to kick and smack it out of his hands.  It's all good and well, and very much appreciated.  It's just different.

Now E is at Mama Jodes's and Grandad's house and it's just me and Lil Man.  Except he's playing Minecraft and talking to his minion on the headset.  I can't interrupt because he told me that he's making a youtube video and that he's now a You-tubist... which he is not.

I'm not needed.  Po will come home later tonight eat the dinner I made and get on his own games online and I'll still be here; watching my family grow up.  I'm loving it... absorbing it... cherishing it.  I'm just still confused at how it all happened so fast.

What can I say?  I am ill-equipped at any age for an empty nest.  As a matter of fact I still haven't forgiven my first born for growing up and being successful.  Betrayal.

Thanks for listening, I'm going to wallow in my self-pity as I secretly creep on my you-tubist.

Because it's my blog and I can gush if I want to.


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Insomnia, fraud and a lil yard work...

It's currently 3:26am and I'm just sitting here hanging out with my insomnia.  It's been bad lately. There are obvious reasons insomnia is not a friend; however, then there is the quiet in my house that can only be described as bliss.  I prefer to think I'm just nocturnal... which I kind of am... except for the I don't sleep during the day thing.

moving on...

So, yesterday I was checking my account online, which I don't like to do because I mean, let's be honest, it's depressing.  But I had three bills that were going out so, like a responsible adult, I thought I would see if they had cleared. 

No they hadn't but two other charges totaling $250 had cleared and it seems I've been spending some time seeing my southern roots in Texas.  There are currently four more charges pending and I would love to say my teleporter has been repaired but IT.HAS.NOT.

Can I just tell you the irony of this situation and really the first and main thought I had whilst reporting this fraud?  Why the crap if you're going to steal some one's card number would you choose someone who is broke?  I mean, did your mother not teach you to aim higher?

I was on the phone with the bank and the kids started talking to me because even as teenagers, you put a phone to your ear and it's like a magnet for kids to start asking you questions that MUST be answered right then.  The dogs started going crazy and then Daddy stopped by.  I tell him who with and why I'm on the phone and giggle at the idea of a a thief who steals from the poor to remain poor and Daddy tells me I should send them a sympathy card. Ha!

Good times.  

I told the boys that because of this thing with my account, money will be tight and I will have to sell one of them. It's amazing really how quickly good boys can turn on each other. Evidently, Lil Man is younger and therefore cuter; however, Ethan is smarter and does more chores.  

Then we decided it would be easier to get rid of the girls.  We will fetch far less of a price but save wonderfully in groceries and hair product.  Sold.

Oh, and I won by the way.  I did the yard and it's beautiful.  The sun dried up all the rain/dew and even though the pidglets and Po tell me I'm being obsessive about the yard I'm terribly pleased.  

It's the little things. 

Alright, I'm off to crochet something... well I don't know what, but it will have yarn in it, of that I'm sure.

Over and out of my mind,


Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Know what's weird?

I was thinking this morning, as I search the web for crochet patterns, what a dork I am. I can crochet, I'm getting better, some days, but I can't read patterns.

Why do I search for patterns?  I did this one and I messed it up but it turned out better, unfortunately, I can't duplicate it.  

I can also do,cut and color some amazing hair, but I never fix my own.

I bake from scratch constantly, but I can't eat gluten.  Can I just tell you how frustrating it is cooking for these people and I can't taste it first?  Everything comes with a warning label: Okay, new recipe, if it tastes like crap please leave your comments in the slotted box.

Today, I'm watching the boys play Minecraft across the room... again... actually I just listen to them and my ears start to bleed as Lil Man talks NON-STOP to his lil minions on the headset.  Then I put my earbuds back in, turn up my Pandora station and pretend I'm in a place where people don't know how to talk... okay fine, in a place where there are no people.

Summer... please help me.  I've cooked, cleaned, and repeated for every time they've been hungry.  (Take the number 20 and multiply it by 17)

I wanted to do the yard yesterday but the people that live with me said I was being obsessive... pshh... now it looks wet.

Work should be calling me soon; all we're waiting for is the background check to come through.  Well, all I can say is they better call soon before I do something that goes on my record!  Oh school bus, why have you betrayed me.  That golden/yellow metal box of love on wheels that whisks away my children daily.

I need a tissue.

Okay, I'm off to clean the dishes that were mysteriously left in the sink AFTER I went to bed at 2am. And really I just went into my room to hide from children because I was waiting for a phone call from Moi.  Not just a plate either... we're talking sink full, and there was chocolate involved.

Really?  Yah.

And I might be a lil onery because my beloved 2nd born, Moi, flew out to see my beautimous 1st born, Bailey, in Utah last night.  She had a million delays and didn't get there until 3:45am our time.  But she made it safe and sound.  I wish I was with them.  Now I have to miss not one girl, but two... and the school bus.

First world probs...

Meanwhile, Lil Man wanted this pic.  How, can you love such torture?  But I do.

Here's to summer and thinking about starting new hobbies... like drinking.  Hehe...

Over and out,


Friday, June 20, 2014

Friday Funnies

How have I not done my usual introduction to Summer post?  That's weird isn't it?  I mean, usually I'm all about typing out the verbatim transcripts of my children's fights, antics and openly display our miseries to the world.

With that being said... here's a few summer wonders for you on this post of Friday Funnies.

Heaven help me... Oh crap... Heaven Help us All!

Waiting at the pharmacy for Busy's 8 gazillion scripts and I realize "Holy crud I think she's low on her Insulin, which brand is called Humalog."
So here's me texting Busy in my most usual and articulate manner.

Because yah...

Somehow Busy and I got on the subject of people naming their children after themselves or others or what have you.  She said she's not into that and I agreed, then she paused, 
Busy:  "Besides, I already have my children named..."
Me:  "Really?"  grin, "Do tell..."
Busy:  "Yah, the first will be Norsick Nantles and the second... pause... Dorsick Tantles.  Because they should have their own names and be different."

Allright, 'nuff said.

Here's a beauty from Ethan, you know the "good kid".

Ethan and Lil Man are playing Minecraft (yah, that was surprising part of this post.  not.)
Ethan:  "Logan, give me your head so I can squeeze it and drink the juice."

And there you go.  Awesome part, Lil Man didn't even flinch.  Juice, it's what's for dinner.  Okay, I'm done.


It all began with Busy taking Lil Red's chair.  And so it begins...

As it all started I just handed my phone to Moi and she just clicked away.  

Oh and the other night we women were bonding over the "Ya Ya Sisterhood".  Ethan comes in and asks what we're watching and Busy yells out, "Go out we're watching "Shoot 'em up Village".

Now every time we watch a movie it's referred to as "Shoot 'em up Village" ... never gets old.

Here's one that really substantiates the classy and tactful side of my offspring.

Busy was mad at Ethan and she looks down and yells, "Your breath smells like poop go wipe your butt!"

Wait. What?

And we're moving on...

Moi:  If I was to be born again in another body, I think I would want to be like Queen Latifah. No, I would just want to be Queen Latifah."

Mental note recorded.

No words are needed for this next one.  Just so you know, I had nothing to do with it.  I walked into the kitchen and simply documented the validity of the moment.


Check out the photo bomber, Lil Red.  Looks like me huh?  Weird, you'd think we were related or something.


Happy Friday.  You should make it funny, BECAUSE YOU CAN.

Over and out, 


Thursday, June 19, 2014

So I'm lucky...

It's Thursday.  This week that translates to yard day.  I've graduated to doing it by myself.  Actually, we're about to find out if I can do it by myself today. Either I will end up with a beautiful yard, or I will be passed out in my almost beautiful yard. My body still likes to mock my attempts to do normal activities... ehh

Last week, I did almost all of it by my very own self. I even made sure to sweat enough for 3 people. 

What is life? Is it even possible to get only half the female gene? Like really... sweaty girl... pshh

I'm done.

Here's my thought for the day.  I really don't have just one.  Surprising, I know. I have about 754.2 of them as we speak.  But in the midst of my chaos and self-inflicted change/life-altering,blechh, here's what I've landed on.

My gosh am I blessed.

Does anyone else realize how lucky I am to have the ability to live in simplicity and enjoy it?  If you live beyond your means you should seriously attempt to cut back just to see the blessings and more colorful life you've been given.  I smile more because of it, because I'm in tune with the nature and plain gifts of the world.  I'm not preaching, just expressing gratitude.

Oh yah, I get frustrated sometimes.  That's human nature, to be unsatisfied at times.  However, I find it's easy to overcome when you can just look up at the seeds you've planted and watch their leaves toss in the winds of what we refer to as family. 

You should see them too... 


Holy cow, THOSE are ALL MINE!  What happened to the days of one on each hand, two holding my back pockets and two in a grocery cart?  We should do that again just for kicks.  I think it would be great fun in the grocery store...

I would like to just reiterate at this time what beautiful pidglets I helped make.  I am good at something right?

Okay, the sun is up, basketball camp is calling my boys name so it's time to go round them all up to deposit them in their stations for the day.  Then the yard.. and more sweat.  

Here's to healing and yard-work and hoping they go hand-in-hand oh and therapy and lots of water...fine... fine... I'm going.

Loves and smooches and a playlist that keeps me moving... Over and out,


Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Chronicles of Movement: Me and the Busy...

Guess what?  Pidglets came back to me last night so me and the Biz woke up early (actually everyone did) and we took the boys to basketball camp.  Lil Red stayed to watch them.  She's  a supportive big sissy who takes her responsibilities of being a protector very seriously.  Okay, really?  Did I mention the high school boys are at camp at the same time?  Yah, I'm snickering too.

Took the man to work, and me and the girl went to a small track at one of the schools not too far.  We ran/walked like 47 laps... or like 34 or maybe not... but it was fun to have someone with me.  We made fun of each other for breathing so heavy and sweating like full grown men and bonded over how we hate those people who don't have to exercise.

I love that kid... 

So when we got home we decided to document the movement.

Now you know I do everything with a flare of improvisation and I like to call it ghetto style. So when you have zero upper-body strength left in the sack of child-bearing almost 40ish self you get desperate when you don't belong to a gym. (That's a public place) and you no longer have a lat-pull machine. So, in order to solve I took the swing off the porch and use the bar for pull-ups. Okay, fine, I use it for "pull-up".  Singular. 

First pic:  Busy, take the picture... Biz... take the freakin' picture.
Middle pic:  No seriously Biz, I can't hold it... this isn't natural..
Last pic:  Ahhhhhhhhh

and so on.

Incidentally I volunteered her for this little ditty and she wouldn't let me put the pic up.  Her blond locks frazzled up like her mom's and she some how looked like she had a short afro.  Because I look so much better... still love that kid.

In just came Moi, the tiny, perfect, little child of mine that doesn't have to exercise; looks at me and Busy at the computer and says, "You guys workin' out?"

She is so not invited and Busy and I decided we are going to start adding high caloric 'somethings' to her vegetarian lil meals.  Maybe something subtle like lard.

We both decided we like the swing connected and us sitting in it better.  Still moving right?  hmph...

Have a great Wednesday... I'll be chillin' with my besties.  Dang growing my own friends was like the best decision ever.

Over and out,


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

A small spill...

I'm sitting here (it's late) with yarn covering my lap,my legs resting on the bed, music in and "Arms Wide Open" by Boyce Avenue playing.  I swear they can sing any cover and it's great.  The point of this descriptive lil paragraph is that after having one of the most horrible and desperate thoughts that equates to a "truth" my mouth turned into a grin as I listened to this song.

I've always been an optimist, but that's just the chocolate coating on the realist inside.  Not so much of a treat, more like a chocolate coated rock huh?

Point again.  Even with all of the hits I've taken over my life... over the last few years; physically, mentally, emotionally.  My gosh I'm a pretty strong "Mother Trucker" as a few of my unnamed older children say. Wildly inappropriate, I realize this; but after all, they are my children.  Were you expecting classy?

Every so often there are those moments of clarity when the fog dissipates just enough for me to see the strength that is still buried deep beneath my surface.  Those inklings of encouragement, the memories of making it through the labyrinths of pain and situations that don't kill you but make you stronger and then you wonder why you had to be so damn strong when killing you would have been a lot easier and then to drown your woes you become addicted to things like run-on sentences and monochromatic yarn.  Wait.  What?

Please don't think I believe I do this on my own.  I am blessed and watched over and ridiculously undeserving.  I've always told my pidglets when they see justice fail and the turds of the world prevail.. "Hey, I'd still rather be me than them."

Now for those of you who know me personally you might be snickering at the thought of actually wanting to be me.  But I'm good, even though the skin is often too tight.

Things aren't bad, the weather is often decided by one's perception.  My personal opinion is the nimbus clouds that carry heavy rain mean change is coming and it might be time to adjust the sails of hope.  There's always hope.  Always.  Hope for better, for not settling, for replanting, regrowth.

I felt the need to spill a few things out on "paper"... but as usual, the cork never fully comes off the bottle. Before I go, just know, I now have white yarn...and possibly 3 other colors that were on sale.  It was a very good sale.  Oh, and my babies are coming home early; as in tomorrow.  Ha!  Mind over matter... who's the Force with now huh? 

It's never good to encourage crazy.  'nuff said.

Here's to hope... and strength... and Excedrin... yah.  I'll go to bed.

Over and out,


Monday, June 16, 2014

Mornin' Monday...

Monday morning.. late morning... my house is quiet.  Strange you say?  Well, it's the first official week of summer and the kids are at their dad's house this week.  Which I completely forgot actually.  I have this tendency to think they're mine, all mine only mine.  So when they're with me that's all I think about, then I'm strangely brought to my senses when the other half of their biological make-up ends up in the driveway to whisk them away.

Translation?  They won't even be coming off on the bus to my home like they do when school is in session. More in depth translation? Waaaaay to quiet.

So with a glorious migraine I've been sporting for 2 days I stayed in bed longer.  It didn't help and felt kind of awful to be wasting my time.  So I've been crocheting my little black heart out.

Oh, I'm sorry, you expected pictures of someone who actually got ready for the day? Wrong blog, sorry. I'm all about natural, last night's make-up and hey, see that little beauty on my thumb?  I do that every time I do the push-mowing part of the lawn.  Some people are slow learners, some are no-learners.  I am the latter.

So, as I sit here with my playlist I find myself thinking what am I going to do with my free every-other-week this summer.

Crochet... yard work... run and become addicted to it.... Bwahhahahahaahahahaha... sorry, let's not talk crazy.

Miss my babies when they're not here shaking my house like a wet dog in the rain. That will be the bulk of my every-other-week summer plans. sigh.

Oh, and I'm going back to work. It seems sick or not, I don't do "dependent" very well. Even if it is dependent on the guy I'm married to.  the end.

Me? Issues? Pshh....

Wanna know something weird? Turns out I don't have white yarn?  I know, I'm embarrassed for me too. Quick trip to the yarn store. (There is no 'yarn store' around here it just sounds funny)

I'm going to continue picturing myself running and enjoying it.  Meanwhile I'll get on my elliptical and clunkily work it out.  Clunkily?  Yes, it's a word - in the dictionary of Pidg.  Look it up.

Over and out,


Friday, June 13, 2014

Friday Funnies

Good morning Friday!  Holy crud do you know what today is? Well yes, it's Friday the 13th and yes, it's the start of the weekend... soon.

It's a horrible day really. A day of betrayal, a day of promises broken, a day of celebration for all that is wrong in this world.  

It's graduation day for my second child.  WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Fine, I'm happy... kind of. Okay, fine, I'm trying to be happy. All I remember is when they were little they all promised they would live with me forever and not only did Moi promise this she ALSO promised she would stay 14 forever.  

She stayed tiny but not 14. I'm so misled.  sniff.

Okay.  I'm over it.  Not really but I'll let you know how it goes this evening. I actually can't wait to see the pictures of my afro once the humidity has it's way with me. My pretty Moi and her Mom (former member of the Jackson 5)

Speaking of all that is wrong in this world.  I just mentioned I wanted/needed chocolate. Remember me mentioning PMS - not to mention I'm female so chocolate is always a good solve. Well, not two seconds later and I mean a literal two seconds Po, that man that promised to have and to hold and cherish and all that crap... is eating peanut butter Oreos right in front of me.  I should take a picture.  

Hey! Why don't I eat chocolate AND gluten in front of a woman that is unstable and capable of killing me with her bare hands.... thinks the man that is being shunned as we speak.

I'm not over this one; another baby graduating ... maybe.  Oreos in front of me?  Never.

Eh hemmm.  In an attempt to change the subject do you want me to give you a quick recap of Friday Funnies since I haven't done one in like 150 years?

Okay... here's what I remember.  I imagine they will be a slow start but with summer coming they should start flooding back in. 

Hanna looks to Busy and puts on this creepy stalker face, "Hey little girl..." she extends her arms and moves towards her sister, "bring it in, come on let's cuddle it out."
Busy's eyes widen and about falls out from laughing as she responds, "I hate when you do that.  It's like I go into pedophile protection mode.  I feel like I'm in danger."

You understand now why I don't need TV in my house right?

Lil Red and I were talking about school and she lands on this kid and says, "I think he uses THE marijuana..."
We stare at each other blankly for a moment and she continues, "Wow, that's one way to know your kid isn't using drugs."

Lil Man and E were playing Minecraft on the 360...
Lil Man: "Bubba, hey Bubba.  I have a present for you."
Ethan opens the chest and discovers 64 cakes in it.  "Thanks Logan... thanks." he's such a patient and placating older brother.

I wish someone would give me a chest full of 64 cakes - chocolate as a matter of fact! Still not over it.

We're all in the living room and Ethan totally farts.  
He's hysterically laughing as we're all flippin' out and he says, "Sorry, it just slipped out!"
Me:  "You better build some stronger abs to hold those puppies in."
Busy:  "You better build stronger glutes to keep that puppy in... like steel doors or something!"

Incidentally we don't talk about bodily functions at the dinner table as much seeing as how my pidglets are growing and maturing past their mother's tact so when it comes up I feel somehow like we're all bonding.

Lil Red asked if I could take her to the store before school the other day to which I responded:
"Sure thing, I have to get some exercise pants anyways."
She stared at me with the most incredulous look.  No words.
I immediately began to defend myself.  "I've been exercising!  I have!  As a matter of fact, I wouldn't buy exercise pants until I knew I was actually following through..."
She giggles and says, "Oh, I thought you said Extra-sized pants.  And I'm thinking you're not that fat..."
blank stare
"You're not fat at all..."  giggles  "I love you?"

Thanks Red. wink.

While we're on the subject of Lil Red...
Me:  "You should learn to crochet.  I think it would be good for you to keep your hands busy and you would like it.  It's therapeutic."
Red:  "I don't want to crochet."
Me:  "Why not?"
Red: "Because I'm sure that I would."
Me:  cricket... cricket...
Red:  "Well, I would learn, and I would enjoy it and then I would turn into one of those old ladies that crochets all the time and has no life."
Me:  "Like your mother?"
Red:  "Yah... oh, I mean no... I love you?"

Did I say thanks Red?

Lil Red told me that she made a Vlog and that I should look it up on Youtube.  I tried but it wasn't coming up.
Lil Red:  "Okay, well just type in Hanna Thompson"
Me:  "How do you spell that?"
Red:  "H-A-N..."
Busy:  "Got 'em..."


Happy Friday.  Happy Weekend. I'm going to go wake up my 14-year-old daughter so that she can graduate from High School. sigh.

More out than over,


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Chronicles of Movement: Ughh

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

So... exercise.


It's funny how completely convinced my slim and trim, athletic, runner of a doctor thinks exercise is good for your mental health.  Who came up with that one?  Like she's paid to tell me this? Really? All of these absurd articles trying to convince me that thinking about running and lifting isn't enough.  

What?  My foot just got caught in my cracked soapbox.  Okay, well it was worth a try to get someone else to be with me on this one.

Time for myself she says... it will be good for you she says... it will relax you... maybe even try and go out into your yard.  Yah... that's public by the way.  Just sayin'
She's not that slick.

It's funny in my younger years I was a competitive weight lifter, competitive swimmer and drank 2 gallons of water a day on a schedule.  I had my body trained to know when it was time to drink, pee and work out and most of all trained to not jiggle/jaggle when I walk.  

Then I became... the ice occasionally melts in my soda for my water intake girl. And exercise, now that I'm working from home, is sweeping the floor to collect ridiculous amounts of dog fur... daily though, I need to point out that is a daily get up and go thing.

So, I'm making a push.  A push because my doctor thinks I'm funny and that my legit (excuses) reasons for not moving are comical

I skipped my last appointment by the way... I know we go through this a lot don't we? We'll see who's laughing in the end.  (It won't be me) She always notices and then sends that minion of a nurse to call me and point out the obvious.  "Hey Pidg, you didn't show up again..."

Well, if they stopped making appointments I wouldn't have to ditch now would I?  Pshh... hey, ditching kind of sounds like exercising right?  No?

Okay, back to the push.  I'm making a push, I really am.  Would you like to know why?  

Because I respect my in-shape doctors opinion?
Not really, I know she's right... but I'm okay with being wrong.
Because I want to be able to eat more cheese and fattening foods?
Let's be honest, I'm going to eat cheese anyway.  I'm loyal to our relationship.
Because I want to lose that weight for summer swimsuit weather?

Okay, for reals yo... (I still love to say that)  Yah, I'll be 40 this year why?

I need, in all honest to goodness truth, need to be a better (less lazy) example for my beautiful pidglets.  And in a little more honesty, I can't wait for next week when they are out of school and doing this awful mess with me.  Hehe... but if I don't get a head start they will be dragging me.  Not a good start as far as examples go.

But just so you know as I'm typing this, I've just finished my first 20 minutes on the elliptical and finished my glute/hams on my roman bench.  So, with water in hand, sweat on my brow and an unidentifiable smell looming strangely around me... I'm making the push.

To be continued....

Yah, I'm perfectly aware my guns are nowhere to be found and have been
 mysteriously replaced with bingo wings.
What is life?

Over and possibly soon to be laid out,


Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I need...

I need to focus... this morning Lil Red wanted to drop by McDonald's to bring her teacher a coffee.  Busy needed snacks for a class that the final was going to be major short in.

Must pass the time with snacks right?

I needed to pick up a few things since I try not to leave the house. So we were off  - all after we got Lil Man on the bus and before they went to school.  

Flying through town like a crazy woman on crack.  We got everything done and everyone is safely distributed into their locations of responsibility and I am now in a chair swallowed by a rare silence.


I need to get on track.  I feel lost lately.  I need to just write those lists I so love to make and scratch items off one by one, then grin at what I've done.

I need a deeply hued sky over a ranch of miles and miles of land - clouds that loom with pending rain and grass beneath my bare feet.

I need to eat the last 12 gluten free cookies Busy made for me - all in the next 5 minutes.  PMS... pshhh

I need to list the things I've made for the shop.  Turns out my mind powers aren't as strong as I had hoped. My items still linger on the desk not listed.

I need to laugh more and play and smile so that its familiar again. My babies bring that out in me.  There's a freedom and crumbling of walls and a nonsensical wave of silliness that they quilt me with.

They're getting older.  I'm still enjoying every moment with them.  Even when they're awful.  Even when I'm awful.

I really... don't need much at all.

I think, I already have everything I need; including the cookies.  The sky here will suit me just fine for now.

Over and out,


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Still here...

I've had an influx of sales lately for the shop.  Yay!

But that's trips to the post office... and I think we all know I'm slightly afraid of the daylight when it means leaving my own yard.  Oh, hey, bytheway.  I helped Po do the yard last week.  That is a major milestone considering my body still likes to tell me when it will and will not work.  It felt good though.

That's my driver.  I bribed him with soda.

Yah... I'll check into postage by mail so I don't have to leave the house... you're right. wink

So I'm playing with buttons today.  Don't ask, I really couldn't tell you.  No top secret project I just really have no idea what I'm doing... still.

Guess what?  My lil garden is still on the porch.  (Didn't we go through this last year Pidg?)

A portion of garden 2013... but it made it in... so this one will too.  

Moi, for Mother's day, bought me lil starter plants I cried and cried for like half an hour because it was so thoughtful and my hormones were running particularly high that day.  I then stopped only to start again.  She secretly did it all on her lunch break and sent Po home with the trunk full of garden goodness.  Did I mention I cried?

We're trying to find a time we can put them in the ground together but seeing as how she is working, graduating in almost one week and starting the rest of her adult life... yah.  Playing in the dirt is on hold. Pshh... kids and their growing up.. whateves.

Speaking of Moi, she's about to go visit Bailey after graduation. I'm trying to lose weight so I can fit in her bag.  Oh come on, not her carry on, it's not like I'm crazy. ok...

In recent news, I have found that crocheting is cheaper than therapy. I also quite like spending time with yarn rather than people so it works out for everyone.  Me and the yarn anyway... 

I want to incorporate some of it into my shops but seeing as how my BFF, OCD, is still in the house and all of my crocheting therapy sessions it's not happening just yet.

Truth be told I spend more time taking out stitches than actually stitching... same thing goes for sewing, I hold closely to my seam ripper. But I'm strangely having so much fun! "so... like sew much fun"  Hehe...

You can tell I shouldn't have been allowed near the keyboard today. No one can stop me, I'm a rebel like that.

Well, just thought I'd let you know I'm still here.  In my house... I think I'm so funny. Okay, off to my buttons.

Loves, hugs, kisses and all that jazz...

Over and out,


Thursday, May 22, 2014

I got this...

Daddy always said, "Eat dessert first, life is uncertain".
Man,was he not kidding about the uncertain part.
Incidentally I'm taking his advice to a higher level and I have decided to eat only dessert.  period.  Just the thought of that gives this post a better feel.  smirk.

Have you ever sat still long enough to realize the world is spinning around you? Somehow, you find yourself perched upon a fence watching either side go on about their day.  The sun rises, the night falls, and others around you live their lives, despite you teetering on that fence.

In all honest to goodness truth; my butt hurts from sitting on that freakin' fence.

I'm not a person others consider "emotional" as a matter of fact I've been known to be cold and without feeling.  Do other's ever question why I appear that way?  Pshh... no.

I care.  I do.  Too much.  

The world around me is spinning and I seem to be stagnant, motionless, uninspired.  

Get off the dang fence Pidg.  Make the decision and prepare for splinters as you slide off that division of sides.

I miss being happy.  I miss laughing.  I miss simple things and simpler times.  Things, people, circumstances fade from your view like the sappy, sorrowful end of a paper back novel. Sometimes, only sometimes, it's necessary to look behind you to find what you dropped along the way.  

I'm afraid I left myself behind. 

Strange when I see things clearly. Actually strange isn't the word - rare is a better description.  Seeing and thinking clearly is not a strong suit as of late... yah, I'm still giggling though.  Thank goodness, my sense of humor still remains held tightly in my pocket.

Brushing off the dust I'm turning back to grab the girl that gifts a smile.  I have no idea who I am anymore, but I am painfully aware of who I'm not and who I don't want to be anymore.  Titles, fragments, glimpses of a person who has sat on the sidelines cheering the rest on without so much as a look of gratitude.  I am so much more.  I don't know what ... but it's more... and very, very, cool... of that I'm certain.  wink.

I'm not a fan of change, but I've never been afraid of it either.  Pshh... I got this


Saturday, May 10, 2014

Poor Mama...

Wednesday I spoke of being easily distracted, which is totally not like me at all.... (

Okay, so we know I'm easily distracted, but today as I was doing my rounds of things that need to be done but not the original task I set out to do, a memory surfaced.

Maybe it was because I finally participated in "Throw back Thursday" on instagram, but as I rifled through supplies for a wedding project (no, I'm not getting married.... again... hehe) for the shop, I found things.

Have you ever given your younger child a task to clean an area and look over and they are wearing or playing with everything they've found that they were assigned to pick up, put away and place in it's home?

Yah, I'm that kid.  I found fabric headbands that I had attempted but had never listed in the shop so of course I put a few on.  Then a fabric wristlet with small handmade flowers on it; didn't make it to the shop but it fit me just fine.  Oh hey look, these floral hair clips look great with my messy up-do.  Oh, and tiny crochet flower rings... four fit nicely.

I would just like to say, in honor of Throw-back-Thursday and Mother's Day fast approaching, Mama, I am so sorry.  You patient, tolerant, enduring woman. It seems that memory I spoke about in the beginning of this post, yah... it still lives; alive and well.  It's 39 years-old as a matter of fact.  

Busy and I were having a conversation the other day where she expressed the embarrassment she feels at times because she talks too much.  Po looked over and grinned as Busy asked, "What?"
I had just had the same discussion with him the day prior about myself.

I then thought about the endless nights I would keep Mama and Daddy up.  I would step into their bedroom to say goodnight.  Somehow, I found myself teleported into the chair beside their bed and next thing you know an hour (or 3) had passed.  Mama's eyes were heavy and Daddy would occasionally look up from his book; I'm not certain either of them said a single word.  I evidently didn't need to breathe while talking.  Oh, those nights of not enough sleep I caused them that I have now experience 6 fold.  Love it.

I don't care for people much and I certainly attempt to avoid groups of people but for some reason when I do escape, bless that poor individual who might end up standing within ear-shot.  It's like I can't stop. Poor Mama, it's usually her.

The other day I was having an absolutely miserable day.  I mean physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I was a walking... okay fine, a sitting human turd.  Oh how I wanted to call Mama and just tell her...


However, I refrained.  I didn't want to do that.  Everything I'm going through can and will be handled.  Sure, my capacity is nil compared to the super-woman I once was but it will be alright-ish... eventually, hopefully, I think. How's that for faith?  Right.

So I didn't call.  I bit my lower lip and attempted to function.  I was strong and ... and... the phone rang. Yah, she walked right into that one.  I had actually assumed Daddy had called her for reinforcements because poor him, he called a few hours before and caught the brunt of the snot, and sobs.  Nope, she just knew.  I bet she wishes she could turn off that mother's intuition at times; or at the very least turn the channel to something more entertaining. 

Not too long ago Mama told me how she felt so bad.  She named several things in our lives as I was growing up and said it's no wonder you even survived it all.  You had a pretty messed up child-hood.  I began to laugh because to me, those who rear the child are what makes or breaks the childhood.  As things fell apart from time-to-time I had someone to go to.  So my childhood was bliss.

And possibly my favorite piece of advice, besides the famous, "Save your money" and "Life is hard" she added a more recent and profound something to think about, not but a year ago.

Me:  "Mama, I'm tired of failing..."
Mama:  "Andi-girl, there is nothing wrong with failing.  I do it all the time."

Oh, how she always makes me laugh.  No worries, she constantly lifts me up and of course never sees my folly as failure.  But she always knows how to snatch my spirit from the floor.

For all of the everything you have given and continue to give Mama; thank you.

Beautiful Mama, still and always will be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.

In all of these years we still share each other's pain.  No, I'm serious literally.  If her hip acts up so does mine. If my back starts trouble, Mama's calling me to see why she hurts.  She even craved the same things I did when I was pregnant each and every time... even when we were across the country from each other.

She's the afternoon splash through the puddles, the wind playing with my hair on a brilliant, sunny day.  She's the gentle calm of reason in my head.  She's my hysterical partner in crime I have to confess every stupid thing I do - if only so we can laugh together.

Mender of broken wings and hearts - Protector of fragile mind and body - through ups and downs she holds her breath for me as I am sometimes taken by the strong current.  My funny bone... the one that actually makes me laugh.

My best friend - My Mama.