Thursday, May 30, 2013

Yesterday Yardin'...

So yesterday was Lawn Day.  Yes, I was out in the morning sun (and afternoon because I’m so freakin’ slow) yardin’. 

I’m giving a run-down of my day because I’m a girl that’s taken for granted and I need a little support.  Fine, I document these types of things mainly so that when my children grow up they will read about my daily endeavors and feel bad for me; thus they will feel compelled to make lots of money and take me in.  (retirement plan laid out)

By 7am I was working on my 3rd load of laundry, dishes done, kids swept off to school, dogs out and the garden thoroughly watered.  (not in that order)

I sat down for a moment to caffeinate then watched as the sun crept onto the lawn so I might start this dismal display of sweaty, panting, choking glory.

I was outside near the driveway filling up the mower with gas and Jack, (the black dog…the bad dog really) starts freaking out from my craft room window.  “Shut-up Jack” I holler.  Because that should calm him down when I’m all maternal like.

Jack:  “Bark..howl…bark…grrrr..”

I turn around to see the “bunny” he’s attempting to intimidate.  Holy cow, I kid you not it was a HUGE freaking male peacock standing like 20 feet behind me.  I’ve never had one of those experiences (until now) where you stare with your mouth gaping for like one minute straight.

I did.  

But doing the yard I don’t keep my phone on me because me, being me, will have it slip from my pocket, run it over and turn it into phone shrapnel where it somehow flings up and cuts my face open or something.  So… I had nothing to take a picture with.  As it moved away all graceful and majestic I ran (walked briskly because my body doesn’t really run) into the house grabbed my camera and ran out the front door hoping to flank him. 

But he had already toddled off across the street and up the neighbor’s driveway where I am now certain they have an unadvertised petting zoo.  Their house is where the 7 horses came from that came running into our yard and I’m pretty sure where the wild turkey came from that was hanging out in our ditch and a brow hound dog but he’s just silly.

I swear to you if that peacock, who I have named Sir Awesome Pants, had spread his feathers out I would have peed my pants then and there.  Truly.  I guess its good he didn’t.

Wow… just wow.  Highlight of my life.  Sad but true. 

Picture a push mower that’s about how long he was.  His body being like twice the width of mine and his tail feathers being like the length of the handle.  I’m going to find out what they eat and put in my bird feeder to lure him back.  (wink)  no really…

Okay, this is obviously not Sir Awesome Pants because he was way bigger and taller (he was so tall) and the picture is much too good of a quality for it to be mine.  But he looks like he could be a close baby cousin maybe.
So then, I did the lawn all garbed up in my most stylish attire.  Halloween socks this week if you’re interested, to protect me from ticks and other creepy crawlies.

This week I started out my venture with my “slow and steady” playlist.  I wasn’t really thinking when I hit it.  I felt pretty slow and not so steady too now that I think about it.

See, its reserved for when I’m writing a sweet love story or creating something cute for a wedding favor…or like when you want to remind yourself of those sweet moments back when you had a boyfriend.  You know, when your beau would open the door for you, surprise you with gifts of high-caloric food or rub your back and tell you that you smell like shampoo.  Yah, now I mow the lawn for my “boyfriend”.  What gives?  (smirk)

Boyfriend, okay whatever, husband needs to appreciate.  But you know, I have to giggle.  At the end of the day, or even in the middle, just sometimes in the morning when he’s sleeping and I’m up before the roosters … just a little.  Oh what?  Anyway, I sure love to look at him.  I always tell him, “Punk you are so lucky you are good lookin’ because otherwise I would just … and then I get distracted staring at him again.  Love that man.  Boyfriend…

Tis Okay, Po and I are settling into our new roles where he literally brings home the bacon because I have him do some of the grocery shopping where as I’m the stay at home warden for kids that should be old enough to take care of me and I do all of the chores, cooking and yard work.

Hindsight has already reared its ugly head and when the doctor took me out of work I should have realized I needed to ditch the fam instead of work.  But alas, the family would starve, DSS would take us all out of the home due to it’s filth and the overgrown lawn would house visitors like lions and wildebeests and wild boars instead of peacocks. 

I love my life.  I do.

I’m just still trying to get acclimated and I think, sometimes believe, I still work and that I’m just still on Leave of absence… from my mind maybe.  Denial?  Nah, I don’t believe in that.  (wink)

I have a question, in that I need a scientific answer.  Why is it that a bug, mainly a gnat, can fly directly into your eyeball or nose when in distress?  Is there some type of homing device?  I mean you hear the mower, you fly frantically from your tall blades of homeland and smack into some wet orifice.  How?  Always, every time?  It bugs me.  It does.

You know, I realized yesterday there are two benefits from having to do all of the lawn myself again.  The push mowing really makes me appreciate the rider.  I feel like I’m on a wild horse running into the sunset when I finally feel a breeze and don’t have to rely on my own momentum.  As a matter of fact I couldn’t figure out why the self-propulsion on the push mower stops working towards the end of my mowing; then I realized it’s me that’s stopping… oh the truth is a terrible thing.

The second benefit is when I get in the shower afterwards, (you thought I was going to say that clean feeling huh?)  Pshh, I shower so my family doesn't complain.  No it’s that I look like I’m tan thing.  When I’m in the shower, my arms look almost off-white, it’s pretty exciting for me really.

The exercise is good too except I counter act that with the 8lbs of Rocky Road ice cream I just recently realized was gluten free.  (worth it)  I took that pill for lactose intolerant people like me and dished up a chip bowl size of amazing wonder.  Exercise without reward is overrated if you ask me.

You know how my mind wanders and fo-shizzle I have like a bunch more random thoughts that I will just put in another post because I’m getting long-winded and ridiculous; as usual. 

Just one more thought…

How on this green earth while taking selfies do you end up with this?  No, I wasn’t singing praises the yard was done.  No, I wasn’t sneezing, no stroke (yet) no kids to yell at… I’ve got nothin’  But of course I had to share it with you guys.

Photogenic and classy; I am quite the combo.

Over and out... to look out the window for the peacock because I know in my heart of hearts he will come back.


1 comment:

  1. I love your randomness on this wonderful...and can you make me a Mad at BF pic too?!
    Love you, the BLOG DESIGN!


Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I heart them oh so much!