Thursday, May 16, 2013

The man...


The man.  (deep breath)

I love that man.  Po, you know the one I married; the one without children who had never been married.  The guy who took us all by contract and claims us as his own; that one, that’s the guy I’m talking about.



He’s the one who kept everyone at a distance.  He didn’t speak unless absolutely necessary.  (Like when I hit on him)  He’s the one who had been so wounded so deeply that he carefully packed away all emotions into his chamber of secrets and lived the life of a solitary (yet oh so attractive) man.  He’s the one I love.



The man that at times cannot and will not communicate verbally.  I realize now he sometimes uses it as a weapon; not answering intentionally so that I might get frustrated.  He waits for a reaction, possibly to see if I really will hold up to my original promise:  “Po, you will wake up every day and I will be here.  You will come home each night and I will be here.  Eventually, you will get used to it.”

Maybe he’s testing the waters to see if I will honestly still always and forever be there.  And I am… and I will… and I want to.



I love that man.

He’s nudged me out as of late.  No, no stop gasping.  It’s just a rough spot on the road.  I guess sometimes flip-flops aren’t the proper attire for trudging.  We get along splendidly.  We rarely even argue.  Why?  Because I am in control of that.  If he’s feisty, I ignore it and kiss him on the cheek.  If he’s snappy and cranky, I get quiet and continue the thoughts that swirl in my head; after all I really am that easily entertained.  But if he’s having a bad day and I react with vengeance, see… I am in control of that as well.  So I don’t. (most of the time... wink)  

Oh please, there is a lot of eye rolling done by me as his back is turned.  But see, his back is turned so that’s alright as well.  (smirk)

I use my powers of manipulation for good  (Please, you know all women have these powers)  I twist words, actions, and sometimes even deeds for the betterment of his mood.  I. AM. NOT. WONDERFUL.  I have just learned that man inside and out. 



As a matter of fact the only times I doubt what we have is when I allow myself to.  His love comes in subtle ways.  Those brown eyes finally meet mine and he knows it’s time to smile.  If I pull away, there is often a hand that comes to hold mine.  If I mention something he does not want to discuss he furrows his brow and repeats me in a slightly cynical tone(I say slightly because he cannot compete with my cynical tone.  wink)  I then change the subject, he realizes it and kisses my forehead.

It's a good thing I never have bad days... (choke)

Why do I do this?  Keep my feelings at bay for the man?  I’m not about to spill my love for him if that's what you're waiting for; though it might surely overflow on this page.

No, it’s because he needs to be loved; by me.  I was the one he chose to take care of him.  I knew it back before we had ever even spoken.  I would watch him; others said he looked scary, intimidating, mean even.  I looked to him and felt he needed to be loved.

By me…

Turns out I was right. (for once)

Po is a gift giver.  He shows love by gifts.  He tells me he loves me verbally, don’t be misled, but he is more of the reciprocator.
Me: “I love you Punk.”
Him:  “I love you Baby.”
I give him a hug, he returns the gesture.  Led by a hand that holds his heart he is of such a gentle nature.  I’m privileged to have him.



I’m writing this post, knowing he doesn’t read my blog.  I wish he did; to know me better, to understand my thoughts and feelings; opinions and dreams.

He knows me, but he is more of a presence.  I’m putting it on ‘paper’ to remind myself of how blessed I am to have him.  His love runs deep, his communication just needs interpreting.  It’s alright, I signed up for this deal.

Do I make excuses for what he might lack at times?  Of course.  We all do that; in fact our loved ones do the same for us don’t they?  Do I wish he did things differently at times?  Yes.  But I choose to focus on the things he does do right.  The feeling of warmth he fills me with. 



In a rough patch?  Yes.  Prayerfully continuing to love him?  Yes.   He does that for me as well.  He’s a bit more quiet than usual.  He’s a bit more distant.  He might too be questioning where the girl that he married went.  Possible.

He works so hard for us.  Even when I did work outside the home not so long ago; his work ethic is so admirable.  He lives with my antics and my pidglet’s daily capers.  When I became sick and then wasn’t coming out of it he worried for me without words but with expression and touch.  He saw it coming but reassured me that I would be fine.  He didn’t hold me up when my health blew up in my face.  He placed me down gently and held my hand as I sat; without a voice and unable to stand. 

He stood by me.  He still does. daily.

He brings home groceries knowing I can’t get myself to leave the house most days.  He comes home for lunch each and every day even if it’s only for a few minutes.

He brings me gluten free surprises when he sees new ones.  When he comes home from work he stands without words in my craft room until I ask, “Do you want me to come in?”
(as in bring my laptop into the bedroom so we can be silently together as he saves the world on his Xbox360)
He smiles slightly and nods yes like I just came up with a fantastic idea that was all mine.

I love that man.  Would we ditch our children because they’re not perfect?  Would we judge them (Wait, is there an option…like can you really ditch ‘em?  Loud laughter)  No. it’s not the way it works.  Nor does it for the man.

He’s Mr. Right… for me.  I’m Mrs. You don’t have a choice, I have your last name.  (giggle)

For better or silence.  Oh how that man fills me.



That’s it, just a little spread of love for my Po and appreciation for his loyalty and tolerance.  Did I mention I think he’s gorgeous and I still watch him creepily when he doesn’t realize it?  Oh, I didn’t… yah, it’s probably better he doesn’t read my blog.  (wink)

Over and out,

loves,
Pidg



2 comments:

  1. So...are we married to the same man?
    Yes, I think so...except mine is filipino and he's easily drained.
    Love this post. Love the Po for what he is...and what he's not. (and my Marv for the same exact reasons!) Yeah, they'll get along on the ranch - while we're on the lake not bugging 'em.

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  2. What a wonderful and thoughtful post. Sounds a lot like my hubby too. I've missed reading your blog, I must go catch up.

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