Wednesday, February 6, 2013


Another night of not much sleep… Wide awake at 5am I listened as my two oldest girls got up to get ready for seminary; dedication to say the least.

Moi tip-toed around the house as Hanna clunked her boots on the hardwood floors throughout; slow, steady, lumbering steps I knew it was her.  Without words they began their day.  I love hearing them and knowing which personality is roaming my halls.

I got out of bed just to be near them so I might absorb their radiant and dissimilar light.

It was nice.

My Daddy came to pick them up; ever faithful arriving each morning to help me by driving them to church at this unsightly hour.  I stole a hug.  He held my hand and spoke such thoughtful words; not many but just enough.  He has the most comforting voice.  I wish everyone could experience the healing he carries in his voice and his hands.  When I was pregnant he would gently touch my belly and speak to those lil humans and each time movement inside of me would stop.  They were listening; taking in each word – comforted by his spirit.  They already knew him.  

Busy pulled herself out of bed around 6am to faithfully check her blood sugar, take her meds and wake up her brothers.  She, without fail, ensures they are packed and ready to go and make it on the bus each break of day.  She giggles with Ethan spouting out silliness as he responds with laughter.  Later, she moves into the boys room and barters with Lil Man that she will put his socks on {before he gets out of bed} if he will wake up nice.  “Logan, did you sleep well?” she asks.  “No…” then they both snicker.  She moves back into the kitchen with me.

The three of us sit as we look at some of Lil Man’s drawings from school.  He grins and pretends he’s not paying attention as we ooh and ahh on his artwork.  I make Busy’s healthy lunch.  We’ve made a deal to eat better to help her health.  She is so very strong.  6:55 time to get out to the end of the driveway.  Before I know it they’re whisked away by the bus and my house is quiet.

I miss this.

I’ve been there on and off, but I haven’t had much time or energy to soak them in like this.

I called Mama yesterday.  Yesterday… whew… what a day.  She helped me wade through the chaos {most of which was happening inside me}.  I told her I didn’t want to fail again.  Do you know what her response was?  Not, “Oh don’t worry, you’ve never failed”  {Not that a response like that would be bad}  As a matter of fact Po told me just that yesterday.  But here’s what she said, “Andi, there is no limit to the amount of failures you can have in your life; just look at your mother.”  Ahh hahaha… we both just laughed.  Sometimes, most of the time, that’s exactly what I need.  Silly truths that allow you to accept you’re human; a cackle to break up the feelings of judgment you place upon yourself.

Mama was so frustrated yet devotedly undeterred about the events of yesterday.  She called with a plan B; then plan C and she’s working on a plan D.  I told her it’s alright, when we get through the alphabet of plan’s we will just start again with A-1.  Yesterday, she wore the cape for me.  {grin}

Po is asleep, the dogs are on the couch bathing in the light as it spills through the stained glass window of my front door. 
Today, I’m breathing and I might just see if my legs will allow me to stand in the kitchen and make gluten free bread.  I look forward to the smell of fresh bread in my house again.

I’m counting my blessings.

Over and out…



  1. I love the smell of fresh baked bread - I just have to go to Subway or Panera to get a whiff though. Enjoy!

  2. "When you are discouraged thinking all is lost ... count your blessings ... name them one by one ..." Love you! - Shadrack


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