Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Random and Short...


I’m just dropping in to tell you this.  I love Coke Zero.  We’re getting married.  Po totally understands, he just doesn’t have that kick of carbonation that it gives me.  While he already gave me permission to marry Michael BublĂ©’s voice he now supports me marrying Coke Zero for its bubbly perks.
{He’s thoughtful that way.  Wink}

I also wanted to tell you I miss cake and cupcakes alike ever so desperately.  I’ll fill you in on my latest and greatest health issues {before I die} but right now I’m too tired {and lazy} to make this one of my long, drug out random posts.  I promise this one will just be random and short. {snort}

The other day when Busy was with her dad she sent me this pic of Mr. B in this bright green {we’re talking lime green} polo shirt.  It looks like something from “Yo Gabba Gabba”.  I was dying it was so hilarious.  So today Moi sends me a pic to brighten my sprits …
IT.WAS.THE.SAME.SHIRT.

Our family is at the very least consistent in what we consider to be entertaining; which more often than not is Mr. B’s choice in clothing.  {giggle}

Yesterday, during my frustration with most of life…well a portion of most of my life I told Mama I don’t know when I started dreaming again but most of my life I haven’t allowed it.  I told her I knew the ranch would never come to be and I knew I wasn’t going to publish and I just needed to start living the life I have.

Today

Sloan {trusty editing side kick} texted me the “hook” for my first novel.  I got the chills… it was perfect.  It’s amazing how in 2.5 seconds you can have hope again.  In case you’re wondering, I’m still dreaming.  I’m allowing it, affording it and conquering loss at the same time.  If that’s not multi-tasking I don’t know what is.

Speaking of multi-tasking, I had a man tell me one time there is really no such thing as multi-tasking.  He said that while you are doing things consistently and in a row you always have to stop one thing to start another.  I looked at him, snickered and said, “You’re not a mom… or a woman for that matter.  We really couldn’t expect you to have a proper perspective of multi-tasking.”  {grin}

I am woman
I am invincible
I am exhausted…  from multi-tasking, talking, feeling, deciding and rising to the occasion.

Now…I shall conquer bed.

Over and out…

loves,
Pidg


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Just Hey...


It’s been a while…again.

To answer a few questions.
Yes, I still have C-diff.  The new doctor told me that the only other case he dealt with …well, let’s put it this way; it took over 4 months for the woman to get over the thing.  So there.  At least I won’t be taken off guard when I go to my doctor’s appointment Friday and surprisingly {not so surprisingly} I have it still.  However, I’ll work on my astonished face just for kicks.  {wink}

School starts Monday.  I have inventory.  Yes, I’m full of resentment, not for school, for inventory.  I just wanted to be clear.  I am a fan of school.  For my children.  For the rest of their lives.  Well, as long as they live with me for sure. {snicker} 
But it bothers me I won’t be there to send them off on their first day; or be home when they roll off the bus.  I won’t be there to talk to the clinic and make sure they understand Busy’s insulin ratios and I won’t be there to deliver her emergency packs I make for each of her teachers.  I won’t see Lil Man on the bus; his first time riding without big brother. 
I told Moi the other day that I wish I was the lil old woman who lived in a shoe again.  You know… There was on old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.  She gave them some broth without any bread, kissed them all sweetly then put them to bed.
I strangely cherish those single mom days, although I’ve really always been one.  I miss the not so distant days when I was home with them before I went back to work.  So I guess I just miss those days with my babies when I was actually in the shoe with them.  Does that make sense?  And for the record, I wasn’t old and it was ramen not broth…but it’s whatevs… {grin}

Here’s my thought for today.  As you can see I’m a lil down in the dumps, slumped in the shoulders and weak in the knees.  {Not the in love kind…more like the I’m exhausted kind} But there is a word that's been rolling around in my thoughts, on my tongue and in my heart.

INDIFFERENCE

It’s a scary word.  I believe there is no stronger emotion than indifference; not love nor hate.  There is nothing more damaging or irreparable than not caring.  That moment when you realize, it just doesn’t matter to you.  When the ceiling is collapsing and you’re just not strong enough to hold it anymore.  You finally realize that ceiling might not be worth saving at the expense of your own happiness.  The happiness that you need, you deserve, and you use to sprout those seedlings you planted. 

Life is strange.  There are so many rules, guidelines, and open opportunities.  It’s about growth, learning, stretching and enduring. 

Things are hard right now.  I said the other day I need to re-evaluate my life; none of it’s working.  So I am.

Today, while evaluating, I had a profound and really unexpected thought.  I've been thinking that I'm bringing my work home with me.  But then, today, I realized I might just be bringing home to work with me.  I'm not certain at this point which is worse.

I know that I’m not coping as well as usual due to my health and the other things weighing me down but it just happens to be my situation right now.  Yes, the physical effects the mental.  In this case the mental is about to go mental.  {smirk}

So, I’m attempting to focus on another word.

Tolerance

Oh that one’s a toughy.  I’ve noticed whether it be age or circumstance or stress or what have you…I am not as tolerant as I once was…on certain things, with certain people.

But I’ll keep trying and focusing {which is hard for me to do on any word} and praying.  Goodness knows that’s the only thing that will see me through.  I want so badly to come out of bad situations with the type of reaction my pidglets would be proud of. 
Thanks for listening.  It’s nice you’re learning tolerance as well…giggle.

loves,
Pidg

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Really?

So, today was just one of those…”Really?” kind of days.  It sucks to be professional {like how I said ‘sucks’ because that’s super professional} and not be able to blog about what you really want to blog about.  Those office politics, if you will and those double edge swords that are thrown at you would be helpful to release from the brain right now.

However…

I can’t.  
 But let it be known I know I don’t belong where I’m at right now.

So instead we’ll just talk about all of the random things, thoughts and events that filled my last few hours, days and whatever else...

One of my co-workers, the one who always asks about my health
{2 days off antibiotics and counting)
asked me what I had for dinner last night.  She always asks if I’m eating and since the answer during the day is generally no…but I’ve been better this week… she decided to throw me a curve and ask about last night’s dinner. 
Friend:  “So, uhh…what did you eat for dinner last night?”
Me:  {awkward pause}  “Uhh…last night?  Really?”
Friend:  “Yah…” {mocking lil twisted grin knowing it was going to be worth the answer}
Me:  “A piece of cheese pizza with guacamole on it…uh….”
{cricket cricket} “Why didn’t I just lie?”
Friend:  With a giggle, “I know right, you’re married, you know how to lie!”
Haha!  I was just glad it got us off the subject of what I ate for dinner.  Any other night I could have answered salad or a sandwich.  Timing bites.

Then I was thinking, what is the difference between me and those that have published and/or been successful at their at home business?  The only thing I could come up with is this. 

They simply made it happen.  I think I will too.

I got home and after some cruel irony that came true and lo and behold my children had neglected to do their chores properly so I had to do them.  And to go further, said children were upset that I didn’t accept the answer they gave me; which was, I can do them when I get home.  However, I texted at 7am and said chores must be done BEFORE you take care of anything else outside the home. 
I’m moving to the edge of the world; in a tent.

Unless they have children there…

Last night Busy, Hanna, the boys and I played a board game.  It started out with Hanna getting irritated because we weren’t accepting her answers {because she cheats} so would you like to know what my brilliant child did?  She plucked out her temporary crown on her tooth {that evidently had fallen out earlier} and replaced her game piece with her tooth just to gross us all out.  Awesome.  Then she quit, so did Ethan and Lil Man asked if he could be on my team since Busy was asking the questions.  Turned out he won…weird right?

After that we went about our separate ways.  Then the power went out…yes, I verified with Po we paid the bill.  Then our separate ways became one room and it got hot and I kicked them all to the curb.  There’s something about the power going out that makes everyone louder.  Needless to say, it was a sleepless night…until morning when I was supposed to get up for work and had somehow forgotten to set my alarm.  I decided {evidently} to sleep then. 

And to bring me to the point of posting… it was this.   I was thinking how much I love music and that I think after I take piano lessons {after I’m rich} I will then learn to play the guitar.  And then I decided how much I love my Mp3 player right before it went black and when threatened; it just continued to mock me for my efforts.  I still love music…even though it’s trapped in a lil evil box right now.

Oh, and I don’t like people…still.  The feeling is mutual so I’m feeling pretty good about it.  I’m going back to being a recluse…who blogs…who also has to work outside the home for now… and deal with people…oh and kids and family…and strangers that are really as strange as they seem.

Did that last part seem negative?  Probably only to people.  {wink}

That was weird I almost ended this lil ditty without winking.   Would you have worried or called?  Texted or commented about my non-winking or smirking or snorting or giggling?  People wouldn’t notice…but I know that you guys would.  {wink}

Okay one more thought…it just came to me…



Goodness I love that man.  {giggle}

loves,
Pidg