Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Just Hey...

It’s been a while…again.

To answer a few questions.
Yes, I still have C-diff.  The new doctor told me that the only other case he dealt with …well, let’s put it this way; it took over 4 months for the woman to get over the thing.  So there.  At least I won’t be taken off guard when I go to my doctor’s appointment Friday and surprisingly {not so surprisingly} I have it still.  However, I’ll work on my astonished face just for kicks.  {wink}

School starts Monday.  I have inventory.  Yes, I’m full of resentment, not for school, for inventory.  I just wanted to be clear.  I am a fan of school.  For my children.  For the rest of their lives.  Well, as long as they live with me for sure. {snicker} 
But it bothers me I won’t be there to send them off on their first day; or be home when they roll off the bus.  I won’t be there to talk to the clinic and make sure they understand Busy’s insulin ratios and I won’t be there to deliver her emergency packs I make for each of her teachers.  I won’t see Lil Man on the bus; his first time riding without big brother. 
I told Moi the other day that I wish I was the lil old woman who lived in a shoe again.  You know… There was on old woman who lived in a shoe.  She had so many children she didn’t know what to do.  She gave them some broth without any bread, kissed them all sweetly then put them to bed.
I strangely cherish those single mom days, although I’ve really always been one.  I miss the not so distant days when I was home with them before I went back to work.  So I guess I just miss those days with my babies when I was actually in the shoe with them.  Does that make sense?  And for the record, I wasn’t old and it was ramen not broth…but it’s whatevs… {grin}

Here’s my thought for today.  As you can see I’m a lil down in the dumps, slumped in the shoulders and weak in the knees.  {Not the in love kind…more like the I’m exhausted kind} But there is a word that's been rolling around in my thoughts, on my tongue and in my heart.


It’s a scary word.  I believe there is no stronger emotion than indifference; not love nor hate.  There is nothing more damaging or irreparable than not caring.  That moment when you realize, it just doesn’t matter to you.  When the ceiling is collapsing and you’re just not strong enough to hold it anymore.  You finally realize that ceiling might not be worth saving at the expense of your own happiness.  The happiness that you need, you deserve, and you use to sprout those seedlings you planted. 

Life is strange.  There are so many rules, guidelines, and open opportunities.  It’s about growth, learning, stretching and enduring. 

Things are hard right now.  I said the other day I need to re-evaluate my life; none of it’s working.  So I am.

Today, while evaluating, I had a profound and really unexpected thought.  I've been thinking that I'm bringing my work home with me.  But then, today, I realized I might just be bringing home to work with me.  I'm not certain at this point which is worse.

I know that I’m not coping as well as usual due to my health and the other things weighing me down but it just happens to be my situation right now.  Yes, the physical effects the mental.  In this case the mental is about to go mental.  {smirk}

So, I’m attempting to focus on another word.


Oh that one’s a toughy.  I’ve noticed whether it be age or circumstance or stress or what have you…I am not as tolerant as I once was…on certain things, with certain people.

But I’ll keep trying and focusing {which is hard for me to do on any word} and praying.  Goodness knows that’s the only thing that will see me through.  I want so badly to come out of bad situations with the type of reaction my pidglets would be proud of. 
Thanks for listening.  It’s nice you’re learning tolerance as well…giggle.


1 comment:

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