Sunday, March 4, 2012

Discombobbled...


I’m discombobulated… {yes, again}  but somewhere back in the line of silly things ‘discombobbled’ became a better way of saying it.  Somehow making up a new version of an already beloved word is so much more fun and meaningful.  It’s almost like re-fashioning the feeling and thought; adding a piece of personalization.

So…I’m discombobbled….

{Don't they look discombobbled?}

Here we go, this ones just going to be all of my loose and unwinding thoughts onto this page.  In other words, you may want to just duck out now.  {wink}

I want to write, but I’ve got nothing.

I want to write, but I’ve got too much churning and bubbling; thoughts that I’m not certain I want to share.

I want to write, but I’m exhausted.  Age has begun to mock and leer at me; as if one of the three fates from a park bench.

In the end…I need to write.

So, I will.

The new job is awesome, overwhelming, fun and challenging.  My department was blown out this weekend and I’m not there to pick up the pieces.  I imagine I’ll get an earful Monday when I go in.  But I’m alright with that; I have teenagers, earfuls don’t bother me.  My lack of ordering and being only one person does bother me.

Po is going through a mighty cruddy transition.  He gave 15 years to the same company and the last 4 years had been disenchanting to say the least.
Now he’s at a new company and feeling oh so picked upon.
{Picture that poor lil fench being picked at by its companions one feather at a time}

At least Po is already bald...that’s good right? {grin}

The thing is he’s new, he makes good money because he it amazing and disciplined at what he does.  He wears the “I’ll kill you with my bare hands look” and doesn’t know why people aren’t friendly to him.

Poor thing, I feel like introducing him to everyone.  “This is my husband Po.  He looks very serious and mean and unforgiving but really he’s a softy and it’s me you have to look out for.”  I hate sending him to work everyday.  It’s like sending my kids to school knowing they have to face that awful teacher or kid that says mean things.

But here’s what bothers me more:

I can’t seem to solve it.
Now he’s the one in a funk and I can’t snap him out of it.  His funk is affecting my funk that is trying to hold it’s funky self together and I’m getting a little feisty.

Lately there’s not enough caffeine in the world to stop my brain or even talk it into slowing down.  I’ve developed an eye twitch.
{Stop laughing, I’m really not kidding this time}
I know I do it when I’m stressing but lately it’s been happening for chunks of my day and messes with my vision.
{You’re picturing some crazy witch with an eye twitch and warts on her face huh?  Yah, so am I.}
I have these nervous things I do that have accelerated and leave me feeling self-conscious but I pray and just try to ignore them and hope no one is noticing my eye twitching so badly it looks like I’m hyper-actively winking at them.

The kids had started out well when I began working again, but now it’s back to fighting and not taking care of the house, or chores, or dogs or Heaven forbid they take care of each other.

I’m okay though.  You know my motto… “Suck it up, be a man”  I’m still with that and swimming {trudging} through the muck with waders on.
I just wish I could fix things…faster.

This really isn’t what I intended on writing.
{Although, I didn’t really have a plan}
But, nevertheless, this is what came out.

My house is a mess, my schedule is more flex than set {that should be changing soon} My kids are a mess, my Po is in a funk and I’m chilling out in an attractive pair of wading overalls.
{Not really…but that’s only because I don’t own a pair}

In the end, we’ve still been blessed so richly.
I think, {and this is the part where I’m whispering} I just wish those around me would focus more on the blessings than on the challenges.

There, I said it.

I hear a lot of complaining in this house and yet I look at how close we came to losing everything.  I wish for them they could feel more gratitude.  We’re being shaped and molded and sometimes {most of the time}  it hurts a lil to be sanded and shined.

I wish they could see their potential the way I see it.  On the flipside, I wish I could see mine as well.  It does wink at me from time-to-time though.

So, I’m discombobbled; trying to swim upstream and keep my lil fishes in tow.  Po is one of my fishes too.  His fins are just a lil tired I think.  I think though that I like where I’m at; for the most part.  I just need to spread that feeling to the rest of them.

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives.”
-Ezra Taft Benson

Maybe I’ll tape that to their lunchboxes.  {Subtle right?}  Here’s to positive thoughts, prayer and being a man… {wait what?  Haha!}
See, I’m still okay.  No pity parties here, just thinking out loud.  Don’t worry, if I was having a party, you would surely be invited.  {wink}

Hugs and smiles and flowers and lots of happy thoughts coming your way.
I appreciate you guys for sticking with me!  {All 2 ½ of you… giggle}

loves,

Pidg





4 comments:

  1. my heart is with you and I can't wait to see what good God has planned with all this. It's hard to see it when it's our trials. Huge hugs!!! xoxo <3

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  2. I think it's in the air...
    being discombobbled
    (did I spell that right? I don't feel like scrolling back up:/)
    is always a trait in us, huh?
    But "this too shall pass"...???
    huh! Am I Shakespeare or something?
    Not really, but you get me.
    I'm just a little, well...discombobbled-ish:)
    love ya mama- mwah mwah mwah!

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  3. I know what you mean with sending Po to work. I feel like that sometimes with Mondo. Things are finally straightening out and I don't worry so much. Wish we could have our cupcake date.

    Love that word discombobulated lol

    :)

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  4. I'll keep Po in my prayers. I know how bad I feel for Paul when he's in a funk at work, and I know how bad it feels to be in a funk at work.

    Everyone goes through bouts of negativity. It will all work out in the end. (((HUGS))) <3

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I heart them oh so much!