Thursday, September 15, 2011

Mr. Biological...


*Disclaimer #1:  This IS the post I was referring to in my previous post I have a question
if you didn't read that you might want to first...and then decide if you want to read this one.

**Disclaimer #2:  This. is. so. long.   

Thank you to those who have made comments and sent kind words and friendship.  I really, really do appreciate that more than you know.
{Insert deep breath here}

So Tuesday night was parent open house at the Elementary school & the High School. 
{We knocked out Middle School last week…whew}

The biological father of my children has recently moved into our town.  Yes, we’re all very excited.  
{Sarcasm at it’s boldest} Honest to goodness if he had a great relationship with my kids go for it…take all the time you need.  
That would be wonderful 
{If I could find a way to insert little tiny hearts all over the word 'wonderful' I would}

I know, I’m sarcastic and my humor is dry however; I truly mean that last part.  If he had a good relationship with my kids it would bless our family in more ways than I could possibly imagine…

But he doesn’t.

Elementary went alright.  Po always goes with me.  The kids want him there and I want him there.  He’s been there “other” dad for almost 4 years now.  Mr. Biological doesn’t care much for him.  
{understatement at it’s boldest}

Here’s a little tidbit about Po.  As a kid he would box…sometimes street fight.  It was something they did for entertainment.  {He always won by the way.  He has an incredible tolerance for being hit and he doesn’t miss when he directs his aggression at a target.  What can I say…he’s good}
He then graduated from High School fulfilling his life long goal of joining the United States Marine Corps.  He also dabbled in cage fighting…do you see where I’m going with this?  Not a man to be trifled with.  He has a switch, but he allows me to control that switch when Mr. Bio is around.  Po knows if there ever was an altercation between the 2 of them we would lose Po; so he sits quietly, NEVER saying a word to the offender.   

As a matter of fact until we lived in the same town where Mr. Bio now decided to start attending church again {In our Ward/church} and comes to school functions and picks the kids up from our house several times a week Po NEVEREVER…even made himself seen.  When we drove to trade the kids Po stayed in the car.  Bless that man that married a mad-woman and her unruly children and EVEN claims it’s love.  He is so quiet normally that other’s can’t even see us together.  The think he doesn’t talk.  

{Trust me though, when it’s just me and him…I can’t shut him up…oh wait never mind that’s still me}

Po and I are quite intimidating as people.  We know.  
{It’s residual from being hired mercenaries when we were younger}  No really…okay fine…

The only difference between the two of us…well except I have hair and he doesn’t…is I will warn you before I kill you.  Po doesn’t.  He takes what he can and his tolerance is beyond my grasp and then…the switch.  So, for someone of that protective and loving nature to stand back and NOT defend the people he holds most dear is admirable …and that doesn’t even begin to cover it.

So last night at the High School… {Does everyone remember High School?  That grueling, judgmental, click-ish, trying to find yourself when everyone else is trying to label you for 4 important years of your life…that time when everything is already hard and everyone already has an opinion of you they tell everyone by way of gossip, insults, rumors and now Facebook?  Yah, that High School.} Just making sure you remember.

Moi asked Mr. B not to go.  She didn’t want him meeting her teachers and making a scene.  {Her words not mine}  Yes, he has rights.  But shouldn’t she?  I will tell you honestly, if she had said to me what she said to him about requesting him not to come I would not have shown my face.   

Moi bytheway has the softest nature.  She’s strong don’t get me wrong.  She’s a lot like Po.  Quiet…quiet…tolerant…quiet…BOOM.  Hey?  How did I get on the ground?  Yah, that’s her.  But she was in this instance quiet when she asked.

Well, here’s the run down.  Mr. B put his name as a contact for her teacher.  Moi didn’t want that.  The office has all of his information, we’re not trying to cut him out our ‘hide’ him…{Wait, can you do that?  Wink}   

But with her teachers she just didn’t want that constant communication.  She wanted that to stay with me so she crossed his information out. She’s in honors classes, we’re not talking about a student who is causin’ a ruckus or having trouble in school.  Believe it or not I would tell him about things like that.  He is their father.  It’s as simple as that.  I’m not in denial.  

Well, here’s an example; when the kids have homework he doesn’t allow them to work independently.  He stands over them watching them as they attempt to create answers and then he comments on all of it and tells them to do it his way.   So when he walks into a classroom he blurts out he’s the dad and asks for the teacher’s email.  He has to date, embarrassed each individual child I have, in their classrooms in front of their teachers and sometimes other students.  {This is according to them.  I am not assuming he did it.  They expressed that he did indeed embarrass them.}  He just got here in June...

Here’s the meat of the story.  He saw her do it.  He saw that she scratched his name off the list.   In the middle of her High School Honors English class he turned around and began raising his voice at not Moi, but Po…hang on …What?!  Typo?  No.  

Po, who sat behind me in the desk trying to flirt with me like we were back in High School…{oh wait that was me…wink} But seriously Po was sitting behind me listening to the teacher.  Mr. Biological wouldn’t stop …I mean ...
 
Would not stop

.{Keep in mind my youngest, Lil Man, was with us…sitting between Mr. B and myself actually}  Moi started crying, people were staring. The bell rang and we needed to go to the next class.  
{It was a mock day so that we could meet all of the teachers for about 10 minutes}  We went into the hallway attempting to get a little space so as to avoid an actual altercation.  

IT DID NOT WORK.

He followed us yelling in the now filled hallway.  Hollering at Po…still.  Po stopped.  I stopped.  Moi held onto Lil Man still crying.  Poor Lil Man just kept saying, “I love you Mo.”  That’s what he calls her.  

I very quietly, like when you’re trying to talk your children down from a fit, yah that voice…stood between my husband and Mr. B.  saying, "Stop, please stop.  Don't do this to her."  

Let me take a moment to tell you I’m not one to be trifled with either.  It took all of what I had in me to not push him back.  I can’t be cornered.  There are strong reasons.  But I advise against it.

But he wouldn’t stop.  Mr. B just kept yelling.  Moi, still crying was begging him to stop.  Yes, we’re still in a crowded hallway with kids, parents and now faculty coming out of their doors.  I noticed a face that was familiar.  It was one of Bailey's teachers when she went there.  I asked him if we might duck into his room for a moment to just put space between us.  “Sure, come on it.  He shut the door.”

I felt so bad for that man.  Mr. B was now screaming and cussing.  He was taking the Lord’s name in vain and that poor man kept saying.  “Don’t say the Lord’s name in vain.  God has nothing to do with this.”

I turned around while in the classroom and his daughter was in there.  She looked to be around Ethan’s age…just staring at us.  I made a silly joke, made light of the situation as I always do and put her at ease. 

That’s what we do…well I don’t know really…that’s what I always do.  

If I can get them smiling then they’re with me.  If I’m not worried, then they trust me…and if I can pray then I can trust Him….that’s how I do it anyway.

So the door handle shakes…the yelling died down.  I left the handle open so Mr. Teacher could come back into his room.  I turn to Po who then notice my husband has “the Look” again.  I turned back around and Mr. B was there, in the classroom…shuts the door stands in front of it staring at us…literally out of breath.  Me, Po, Moi, Lil Man and the instructors daughter…that’s it.  Just us.  

I in all of my “I can fix this” glory told him this wasn’t Moi’s next class we came in here to have a time-out.  He stared…like that I’ve just committed a crime what have I done stare.  Have you ever seen that?  I’ve seen it plenty of times…usually once someone has actually done something considered to be a crime.  I opened the door and took my husband by the arm moving him and our babies out to the hallway.  

IT. BEGAN. AGAIN….
{Side note:  This by far is not even a “bad” episode}

Cussing, yelling, finger wagging, towering over me to direct his hate towards Po… Incidentally Moi was behind Po, holding on to him.  He makes her feel safe.  He’s good at that.

I looked to the now several teachers in the hallway…all of whom were men of not large statures or diminutive women and asked who was here.  “I need someone…please…”

Mr. Teacher, in a state of fear and bewilderment, said he would get someone.  Mr. B then proclaimed, “Don’t worry about it.  I’m leaving.” Wait…what?!  Like we were calling them to assist you?  

He walked angrily down the hall.  I turned to the instructor and told him to keep my family here, I have to make sure he leaves the building.  I turned back…he was gone.   

He’s 6’3”…even my 5’3” can see that over the crowd.  I moved quickly down the hallway then at an exit sign people were coming in talking about someone. 
Me: “Are you talking about an irate man?”
Them: “Are you looking for an irate man?”
Me.:  “Yes.”
Them:  “He went that way.” Pointing to the exit.

I turned back around and guess what….both assistant principals were at my side.  They didn’t even know what was going on.  Heavenly Father must have allowed them to use his teleport…he does that sometimes… {wink}

Needless to say things were discussed.  The VP escorted us to sign in to Moi’s last class to get her extra credit for being there.  He walked us out into the parking lot insuring Mr. B was not waiting.  But do you know what else he did?  He didn’t look at us like the freak-shows we felt like.   

He understood and you could tell, unfortunately, he had been down this road before.  He even felt it was reasonable what Moi did.  He felt that Mr. B was indeed forcing his relationship on her. He was kind to Moi and made her feel secure.  He was thoughtful and polite to Po and treated him with respect; wanting to know from him what had happened.  

{People don’t normally do that for us. 
They look at me and think…Oh, the ex-wife.  
They look at him, throw up a hand and say …”Oh, the New husband”}

When Busy was in the hospital being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 
Mr. B had to be escorted from the hospital on 
THREE. SEPARATE. OCCASIONS.   
Because Busy was upset, not me, not Po.  And they dealt with us with that same, above mentioned, mentality. 

I never talk about this.  No one knows what we as a family go through.  When people ask why Mr. Biological and me divorced I tend to just say, “It was a bad situation.”  And it was and it’s no one’s business. 
 
Mr. B now delights in telling people that know me, that the real reason we divorced is because I had an affair with Po.  
{Incidentally Po and I didn't even know each other.}   

But the point is, we don’t say anything.  You either know me or you don’t.  If you assume the horrible things you’ve heard about me or my husband are true…then you didn’t make the cut on the list of friends in the first place. 

It doesn’t bother me…most days. 

But to see my girl cry like that…that bothers me.  To see my Lil Man sounding like a robot “I love you MoI love you Mo.  I love you Mo.” Because that’s all he can do to compensate for his confusion and fear…that bothers me.

Moi woke up Wednesday morning at 1am and got ready for school.  She went into the kitchen blurry-eyed and looked at the clock…1am?  Really?  She then wondered what had woken her up.  She looked at her phone.  A text had come through from Mr. B telling her how hurtful she was and upset he was that she treated him like that.   
{Yah all you moms out there...chew on that.}

Text message sent from Mr. B to me on my daughters phone the following day:  "Can you keep the drama to a minimum today?  You can do this by ensuring everyone is ready to go by 4pm.  After your theatrics and overreaction from yesterday...thanks...please be supportive...find a way to do it...be like the person you portray you are at church...I'm begging you to just let this go smoothly and not turning everything into a dysfunctional picnic!"

And in case you were curious; no I don't respond to things like that.  Thankfully the exchange with my babies went alright.  I stayed inside; I always do unless summoned to come out. I'm not wonderful don't think I'm trying to imply that at all.  I love my babies...I pray...a lot... 

I don’t think there will be a whole lot of posts like this…but today I needed it.  Today I just wanted to blurt out on 'paper' the things that hurt and why I am so very thankful for my children and my husband. 

I need to declare from the only {little} platform I have that I am SO BLESSED & my Father in Heaven isn’t punishing me and this isn’t a consequence for doing something wrong.  

My trial is Mr. B

My consequence this time is from the acts of attempting to live the way the Lord would want me to.  

This time my consequence is the family I am so greatly blessed with.   

Not Mr. B.  He’s just a trial.  

Deuteronomy 28:2 & 7

2  And all these blessings shall come on thee, and overtake thee, if thou shalt hearken unto the voice of the LORD thy God.
7  The LORD shall cause thine enemies that rise up against thee to be smitten before thy face: they shall come out against thee one way, and flee before thee seven ways.

I am not saying…get him…smite him.. {although that may sound like me some days..wink}

What I AM saying is this. 

Life is not long and preparing for Eternity is a tad bit more important than dwelling on the things that hurt.  It’s kind of like being too busy to be depressed.  I have a lot more to think about than Mr. B.  That’s how we get through it.  That’s how we remain so happy as a family.   

OUR house is ours…our sanctuary for the weary…once inside he can’t hurt us.  We can simply keep our eye on the ball.

 loves,

Pidg

 




10 comments:

  1. You are an extraordinary woman, mother and friend. (Shadrack concurs.) Love you.

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  2. Shadrack Haha! I love you to pieces Cheri, thank you.

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  3. I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. You and your husband and children inspire me. Hugs.

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  4. I can relate to you so much. I can see why you were weighing if you should share this. I feel for you and your children. I have an ex (which I can share about with you later) and a blended family, I can understand the frustration you are going through. It's not easy when there is an absent parent to communicate with.

    I wish I was there to hug each and every one of you. Hang in there. When my kids got older, they saw their Mr. B in a different light. The true Mr. B and they can handle themselves now that they are all adults. It will get better. =)

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  5. I know Salena that's the thing I know we're not alone out there and that helps so much. Yes hugs would be nice right now! We're really good at that at least!

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  6. Oh. my. goodness.
    You handled that well.
    God grant me the strength you have if I ever have a situation like that.

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  7. Jamie...thanks but honestly I pray a lot...I mean A LOT when he's around. I wish I could take credit for it! Haha!

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  8. That was a long post - but so worth it...I hate that you had to go through that, but more for Moi:( Give her a big hug from Auntie Nay!

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  9. I'll do that Nay...she has been reading your blog with me actually! I hope you had a nice weekend ;)

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